What should I say when others win awards and they don’t? 

Parenting Perspective 

For a child, sitting in an assembly or competition where the names of others are called out while theirs is left unspoken can feel like a painful and public spotlight. They may feel invisible, jealous, or even become convinced that their efforts do not matter. This moment, if not handled with care, can either plant seeds of bitterness or become a valuable opportunity to teach resilience, humility, and healthy ambition. Your words in this moment are powerful; they can help your child to see beyond the medal or certificate and to recognise their own deeper worth. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings First 

Begin with empathy rather than offering quick encouragement. If your child asks, “Why did I not win anything?” it is best to respond gently: 

• ‘I know it must hurt to see other people go up to receive an award while you are sitting there.’ 

• ‘It is normal to feel disappointed. It just shows how much you care about doing well.’ 

This validation makes them feel truly understood, rather than having their feelings brushed aside. 

Reframe Awards as One Measure, Not the Whole Picture 

Explain that awards only capture a tiny part of who a person is and what they have achieved: 

• ‘An award is just a form of recognition for one particular area. It does not mean that other children are better than you as a person.’ 

• ‘Sometimes the most important qualities, such as kindness, patience, or consistent hard work, do not always get trophies, but they matter even more.’ 

This helps to prevent them from equating their entire self-worth with a medal or a certificate. 

Praise Their Personal Effort and Growth 

Shift their focus towards what they achieved personally, rather than what they missed out on publicly: 

• ‘I saw how hard you worked in preparation for this, and that is what makes me so proud.’ 

• ‘Even if you did not win this time, you have improved so much since the last term.’ 

By praising their personal effort and progress, you strengthen their internal motivation to keep trying. 

Teach Them How to Celebrate Others 

Gently guide them on how to respond with grace and good character: 

• Encourage them to say a sincere ‘Well done’ to a friend who won an award. 

• Remind them that celebrating the success of other people does not take away from their own worth. 

• You can practise how to offer congratulations at home, so they feel more comfortable doing it sincerely. 

This teaches empathy and humility, which are skills that build character far beyond any academic or sporting success. 

Share Stories of Delayed Success 

Inspire them with real-world examples of people who did not win at first but went on to shine later in life: 

• You can talk about famous athletes who lost repeatedly before they eventually became champions. 

• Mention authors or inventors who faced many rejections before they finally found success. 

• Share some of your own experiences where recognition for your hard work came much later than you expected. 

These stories help to normalise the experience of waiting and show that not winning an award now does not mean they will never succeed in the future. 

Practical Strategies for the Future 

• Reflection: Ask, ‘What did you enjoy most about preparing for this, even without the award?’ 

• Goal-setting: Help them to set one small, achievable goal to improve before the next opportunity arises. 

• Balance: Encourage them to pursue hobbies or activities outside of school where they can experience a sense of achievement and confidence. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that our honour is not measured by worldly recognition but by our sincerity, patience, and righteousness. Awards from other people may or may not come, but every sincere effort is always seen and valued by Allah Almighty. This perspective can help a child to separate the desire for external applause from a sense of true worth. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Jumu’ah (62), Verse 11: 

‘And when they saw (an opportunity) in trade or in leisure, they rushed towards it, and left you (Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) standing (bewildered at such superficial behaviour); Say: “Whatever (is associated) with Allah (Almighty) is superior in (activities of) leisure and in (activities of) business; and Allah (Almighty) is the best of the Providers”.’ 

This verse reminds us that what Allah Almighty holds for us in reward is far better than any worldly distraction or form of recognition. For a child, this is a reminder that while worldly awards might feel important, the reward from Allah for their sincerity is far greater and more everlasting. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4143, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, Allah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

This hadith reinforces the principle that Allah Almighty values our intention and our action, not outward trophies or medals. For a child, it is a powerful reassurance that their sincere effort is always seen, even if other people happen to overlook it. 

By sharing these teachings, you help your child to see awards as nice extras, but not as the ultimate measure of their worth. They will learn that what truly matters is giving their best, keeping sincerity in their heart, and trusting Allah Almighty with the results. 

Over time, they will develop true resilience, learning to handle disappointment with dignity, to celebrate the success of others without envy, and to keep striving with sincerity. They will be secure in the knowledge that their true reward lies with Allah Almighty, not in the certificates of this world.