What should I say when my child feels guilty for feeling angry? 

Parenting Perspective 

Anger is Normal, It is the Action That Matters 

Many children feel guilty after an angry outburst or even for simply having angry thoughts. They may worry that feeling angry makes them ‘bad’ or unlovable. This guilt can cause them to hide their feelings instead of learning how to handle them in healthy ways. Start by reminding your child that feeling angry is normal; it is what they do with it that matters. Use gentle words: ‘Anger is just a feeling. It does not make you a bad person. It shows that something feels unfair or too much.’ 

Practice and Praise 

Talk about what made them feel angry and what they wish they could have done differently. You can practise ways to notice anger before it explodes, such as taking deep breaths, asking for space, or using words instead of shouting. Let your child know that it is never too late to fix mistakes. You can say, ‘You felt angry, but you also said sorry, and that shows your good heart.’ Share stories about times you felt angry too, so they see they are not alone. Praise every effort they make to handle their anger with kindness. Over time, these small lessons will teach your child that anger is not something to be ashamed of, but something to be guided gently, without guilt or fear. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that true strength lies in managing our anger, not in never feeling it. Allah Almighty praises those who control their anger and respond with forgiveness. Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This Ayah shows your child that when they feel anger but choose patience, Allah Almighty sees and loves that effort. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others; the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angry.’ 

Teach your child to make a short Dua when they feel guilty after being angry: ‘Ya Allah, forgive my mistakes and help my heart stay calm.’ This simple prayer reminds them that Allah Almighty’s mercy is greater than their slip-ups. By guiding your child with gentle words and faith, you help them see that they can feel angry, handle it wisely, and be loved by Allah Almighty, all at the same time.