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What should I say when I know I hurt my child emotionally, but I am not sure they have the words to express it? 

Parenting Perspective 

Initiating the Healing Process 

Children often carry emotional scars they are unable to identify, particularly those brought on by the people they depend on for protection and affection. Even if your child is unable to express the grief they may have felt from your words or actions, you can still start the healing process. I think something I said or did might have hurt you, you should say gently. I want you to know how sorry I am. It is okay to be upset, even if you do not feel like talking right now, should come after it. You and I are still here. You offer your child emotional permission to be upset, to remain silent, and to feel safe by naming what may be unsaid. 

Demonstrating Unconditional Love 

Children do not require well-crafted excuses. Even if infants are unable to verbalise their feelings, they nevertheless require warmth, protection, and the knowledge that their feelings are important. You are still loved can be expressed by sitting quietly close by, delivering a favourite snack, or inviting them to participate in a regular activity. Reconnection is achieved by repeatedly demonstrating to them that your love endures even in the face of adversity, not by pressuring them to speak. In addition to providing your child with comfort right now, you are teaching them that dealing with challenging emotions does not have to mean feeling ashamed or alone. It is possible to hold them in affection. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, what is left unspoken is not ignored. Allah Almighty reminds us in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verse 4: 

He knows all of what is in existence in the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth; and He knows what you conceal and whatever you publicly declare…..” 

This verse affirms a child’s inner world, which is frequently invisible. Allah Almighty can perceive a child’s suffering even when they are unable to express it. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was deeply attuned to emotional cues. He would soften his gaze, change his body language, or pause altogether when he sensed discomfort, even before a word was spoken. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Kindness is not found in anything but that it adds to its beauty.” 

Even if you remain silent, you are reaffirming your child’s dignity and not merely making amends for an occurrence. You are demonstrating to them that hurt may be healed without the use of flawless language and that love is not something that must be acquired via flawless actions. Speaking softly into silence and honouring what your child is still unable to express is an act of prophetic mercy in and of itself. 

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