What should I say if they cry after losing in front of others? 

Parenting Perspective 

For a child, losing in public can feel deeply humiliating. The sting of defeat is made heavier by the awareness that other people are watching. In these moments, tears often flow not only from sadness but also from intense embarrassment. They may believe that their peers are judging them or that crying itself is a sign of weakness. In that vulnerable moment, what you say matters greatly. Your words in that moment can either reinforce their shame or help them to recover with dignity and resilience. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings in the Moment 

The first and most important step is to validate their emotions, not to silence them. Instead of saying, “Stop crying, people are watching,” try offering gentle reassurance: 

• ‘I can see you are very upset, and that is completely okay.’ 

• ‘Losing can feel really hard, especially when it happens in front of other people.’ 

This simple act of acceptance gives them permission to feel their emotions without the additional burden of shame. 

Normalise Tears as Human, Not as Weakness 

Children often believe that crying makes them appear “babyish.” You can help to reframe it as a natural human response: 

• ‘Even adults sometimes cry when they are disappointed. Your tears just show how much you cared about the game.’ 

• ‘Crying does not make you weak; it shows that your heart is alive and that you are passionate.’ 

This helps to prevent them from bottling up their emotions in unhealthy ways in the future. 

Guide Them Back to Composure 

Once the initial, intense wave of emotion has passed, you can help them to re-centre themselves: 

• Encourage them to take a few slow, deep breaths to help calm their body. 

• Offer them a sip of water or suggest stepping aside for a moment to have some quiet space. 

• Suggest some simple positive self-talk, such as, ‘I lost today, but I will try again next time.’ 

These simple tools help to build their self-regulation skills for any future setbacks they may face. 

Praise Their Courage Beyond the Result 

Shift the focus away from the loss and towards the bravery they showed by participating: 

• ‘I am so proud of you for competing today. That takes a lot of courage.’ 

• ‘Even though you cried, you did not run away or hide. That shows real strength.’ 

By praising their courage rather than focusing on the outcome, you help to reduce the heavy weight of their embarrassment. 

Teach Them Grace in Public Moments 

You can coach them on how to recover with dignity after crying in public: 

• Encourage them to offer a simple smile or a handshake to their opponent once they feel calmer. 

• Role-play using simple phrases like “Well done” so they feel more prepared to use them next time. 

• Remind them: ‘What people will remember is not your tears, but how you carried yourself afterwards.’ 

This shows them that resilience in the face of a setback often leaves a stronger and more positive impression than flawless perfection ever could. 

Share Stories of Emotional Strength 

Help them to see that even great people have felt powerful emotions after a loss: 

• Talk about famous athletes who have cried after major defeats but went on to achieve even greater success. 

• Mention that the Prophets and their companions also felt deep sorrow, yet they always turned it into a source of strength. 

• Share some of your own stories of public embarrassment and how you managed to recover. 

These examples show that tears are not the end of the story, but are often a step on the path toward growth and emotional strength. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the natural emotions of the human heart. Feeling sorrow or crying in a moment of pain does not lessen a person’s worth. What truly matters is how we choose to respond after the tears have passed. Losing a game is not a disgrace; it is part of the tests of Allah Almighty, designed to shape our patience and humility. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse can reassure your child that the pain they feel is not beyond their strength to handle. Even the difficulty of losing in front of others is a test that they are capable of passing with the help of Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1303, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ wept when his son Ibrahim passed away, and he said: 

‘The eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, but we will not say except what pleases our Lord.’ 

This beautiful hadith shows that shedding tears is not a sign of weakness, but a natural part of being human. Even the beloved Prophet ﷺ shed tears in his grief, yet he taught us to always balance our natural human emotions with patience and submission to the will of Allah. 

By sharing these truths, you can help your child to see their tears not as shameful, but as a natural response to disappointment. What matters most is rising again afterwards with patience and dignity. 

Over time, they will learn that losing in front of others is not a source of humiliation, but an opportunity to show courage, to recover gracefully, and to trust that Allah Almighty values their effort more than the opinions of other people. With your gentle reassurance, they will grow into resilient young believers who are able to embrace both their emotions and their faith with confidence.