Parenting Perspective 

Children sometimes speak with a sharp or hostile tone, even when their words are harmless, for example, snapping ‘Fine!’ or ‘Whatever!’. This can be confusing for a parent, as the content is not openly disrespectful, but the delivery feels challenging. The best approach is to address the tone directly without overreacting to the words, teaching your child that how they speak matters just as much as what they say. 

Separate Tone From Content 

Respond by calmly highlighting the difference between the words and the way they were said. You could say, ‘I have heard what you said, but the way you said it was not respectful.’ This keeps the focus on the real issue, which is the tone, without escalating the situation by arguing over the words themselves. 

Model Respectful Expression 

Gently show your child how they could have phrased their response with a better tone. For instance: ‘A more respectful way to say that would be, “Okay, Mum.”’ By modelling a positive alternative, you are giving them a tool to use in the future, which is more effective than simply criticising their delivery. 

Stay Calm but Consistent 

It is important to avoid matching their aggressive tone with your own. If the disrespectful tone is repeated, calmly state the consequence you have for such behaviour: ‘We can pause this conversation until you are ready to use a respectful voice.’ Following through with this consistently teaches them that their tone is just as important as their words. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on both the words we choose and the manner in which we deliver them. A respectful tone and a humble disposition are integral parts of good character. It is a parent’s duty to instil this value in their children, not with harshness, but through steady and gentle reminders. 

The Importance of a Humble Manner 

The Quran teaches that arrogance and harshness in one’s mannerisms, even without explicitly bad words, are displeasing to Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 18: 

‘ And do not turn your cheek from people (in pride and contempt), and do not walk on the Earth in self-glory; indeed, Allah (Almighty) does not love those (people who believe in) self-aggrandizement and boasting.‘ 

The Weight of Good Manners 

The prophetic tradition reminds us of those good manners, which include a kind and gentle tone, are among the heaviest of deeds on the scale of a believer. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 625, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Nothing will be heavier on the Day of Resurrection in the scale of the believer than good manners. Allah hates the one who utters foul or coarse language.’ 

By calmly correcting an aggressive tone, you help your child to embody Islamic adab (etiquette). They learn that respect is shown through both their language and their manner, which will prepare them to communicate with dignity in every area of their life.