What should I do when the older child takes the bigger slice every time? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your older child repeatedly takes the bigger portion, it is not just about snacks; it is about shaping their character. This behaviour often reflects an instinctive sense of entitlement that older siblings can develop from being ‘first’ in many things. Instead of scolding them, you can treat this moment as a lesson in justice, empathy, and self-restraint. Begin by keeping your tone calm and curious: ‘I have noticed that you often take the bigger slice. Can you tell me why?’ This invites reflection rather than defensiveness. 

Teaching Through Practical Fairness 

You can use the classic ‘divide and choose’ rule: one child cuts or divides the portions, and the other gets to pick their portion first.¹ This simple system naturally teaches fairness; the older child will learn precision and self-control, while the younger one learns trust. Over time, the habit of automatically choosing the bigger share will fade because it becomes linked with this new awareness. When you see an improvement, praise it specifically: ‘You made sure that was an even split; that shows real maturity.’ 

Building Perspective Through Empathy 

Ask reflective questions to help your older child step outside of their own desires and see the emotional weight of their choices. 

• ‘How would you feel if your younger sibling did that to you?’ 

• ‘What would make this feel fair for both of you?’ 

Children develop moral maturity when they learn to feel what is fair, not just to follow a rule. 

Modelling Contentment at Home 

Children absorb how the adults around them handle privilege and sharing. Let them see you share things equitably, whether it is splitting a treat evenly or letting someone else have the last piece with a smile. You can say things like, ‘I want to make sure everyone gets their fair share.’ This subtle modelling reinforces the idea that generosity brings inner peace, not a sense of loss. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, fairness and generosity are signs of a noble character.² The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that even the smallest act of consideration for others can carry great spiritual weight. When you help your older child to act justly towards their sibling, you are nurturing in them a sense of humility, which is a quality that keeps hearts soft and relationships harmonious. 

Preferring Others Over Oneself 

The Quran describes the believers as those who rise above their own selfishness by choosing generosity over personal desire. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verse 9: 

‘…And giving preference over themselves, even though they were impecunious themselves; and whoever is salvaged from (the inherent state of) being miserly for himself, then they are the victorious.’ 

This verse teaches a powerful lesson about the nature of true success. You can explain to your child, ‘Every time you choose to take the smaller slice so that your sibling can smile, Allah is pleased with you. You are training your heart to be stronger than your appetite.’ 

The Virtue of Fairness and Generosity 

The teachings of our Prophet ﷺ show that gentleness and fairness are intertwined; both qualities protect our hearts from bitterness. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.’ 

You can tell your child, ‘Being gentle means thinking of others when you make choices. It is not about taking what you can, but about giving what you should.’ This links the act of generosity to the quality of gentleness, which is a characteristic that is beloved by Allah.³ 

By guiding your older child with patience and spiritual reasoning, you can turn everyday snack disputes into opportunities for lifelong virtue. With consistent modelling and small words of praise, they will learn that being the eldest means being the fairest, and that real leadership begins with the strength to take less so that love can grow more.