What should I do when the host allows tackles my child is not comfortable with? 

Parenting Perspective 

When play gets rough and you can see your child becoming hesitant, you may feel torn between keeping the peace and protecting them. Your role is to preserve their safety and dignity in a way that is both kind and clear. You can achieve this without criticising the host by focusing on your child’s needs, using neutral language, and offering practical alternatives. 

Check In With Your Child First 

Step close to your child, get down to their level, and check in quietly: ‘Are you okay to keep playing, or would you like to take a pause?’ If they show any discomfort, honour it immediately. Move them to your side, offer them some water, and say, ‘We are just taking a quick breather.’ Children are able to calm themselves much faster when they feel that you are firmly in their corner. 

State Your Boundary Without Blame 

Use ‘I’ and ‘we’ language to reduce the chance of the other parent feeling defensive. A simple line works best: ‘We keep tackles gentle in our family, as it helps my son feel safe when he is playing.’ If the host nods but the energy rises again, repeat your boundary once more and then act: ‘It looks like things are still getting a bit too rough, so we are going to switch to a different game now.’ 

Offer a Safe Alternative 

It is always helpful to suggest an alternative that allows everyone to be included. For example: ‘Shall we try playing tag with a soft touch on the shoulder instead?’ or ‘How about we move to the drawing table for a little while?’ Hosts generally appreciate solutions more than simple objections. 

Use a Neutral Stop Cue 

Children respond better to neutral cues than to personal criticism. Before a playdate, you can agree on a simple stop word like ‘Pause’ or ‘Reset’. If the word is ignored during play, you can end the round: ‘The word “pause” was called. The game stops for two minutes.’ 

A Script for Speaking with the Host 

Keep your conversation with the host brief, warm, and cooperative. 

You: ‘The children are having such a great time. My one can get a little overwhelmed by tackles, so we usually stick to a no-tackle rule. Would you be okay if we shifted them to a running game instead?’ 

Host: ‘Oh, they always play like this.’ 

You: ‘I understand. For my one, it can tip from fun to fear quite quickly. We will just keep it gentle so he can stay happy.’ 

Have a Graceful Exit Plan 

Have a simple and graceful exit line ready in case you need it: ‘Thank you so much for having us. We are going to head out now before everyone gets too tired.’ Your consistent follow-through teaches your child that their own feelings of safety are more important than any group pressure. 

Equip Your Child with Phrases for Next Time 

Rehearse some short, respectful phrases at home that your child can use. 

• ‘I do not really do tackles, but tag is okay.’ 

• ‘Stop. I need some space, please.’ 

• ‘Let us switch the game, or I am going to sit out for a bit.’ 

Debrief and Plan Afterwards 

On the way home, take a moment to name what went well: ‘You noticed that your tummy felt tight, and you asked for a pause. That was very brave.’ Then, you can set a small goal for next time: ‘Next time, we will try saying “no tackles for me” right at the start.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Moments like these are an opportunity to practise gentle firmness for the sake of Allah Almighty. We can choose words that protect dignity, invite cooperation, and keep hearts soft, especially when there are differing opinions about what is considered ‘normal’ play. 

The Importance of Gentle Speech 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Taaha (20), Verses 43–44: 

‘“Go forth to Pharaoh, as indeed, he has become delusional (with his powers and dictatorship). But speak to him (Pharaoh) in a polite manner, so that he may realise, or be in awe (of what you are relating to him)”.’ 

This verse reminds us that even when we need to be firm, gentle words are the path that best preserves wisdom and influence. If gentle speech is commanded in such a difficult situation, then it is surely the most suitable approach for our everyday parenting challenges. 

The Principle of Preventing Harm 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2370, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There is to be no harming and no reciprocating harm.’ 

This hadith teaches that preventing harm is a core Islamic value. Setting clear and kind limits around rough play is not being overprotective; it is an act of obedience to a principle that guards both bodies and hearts. 

You can explain to your child that saying ‘no tackles for me’ is not a rejection of their friends, but a choice for safety, which is an amanah (sacred trust). Before heading to a playdate, you can make a short dua together: ‘O Allah, please keep us gentle and safe, help us to speak the truth kindly, and allow everyone to leave happy.’