What should I do when siblings snatch toys mid-play? 

Parenting Perspective 

When siblings snatch toys, it is a crucial opportunity to teach valuable life lessons about empathy, fairness, and self-control. The key is to respond with a calm, structured approach that addresses the needs of both children while reinforcing clear household rules. 

Acknowledge the Need Before Stating the Rule 

When a child snatches a toy, the underlying need is often one of urgency to join in, feel in control, or have what the other has. Begin by acknowledging this feeling rather than immediately criticising the action. You could say, ‘You really wanted the toy too and grabbed it quickly.’ This approach separates the child’s intention from their behaviour and reduces feelings of shame. Immediately after, calmly restate the family rule: ‘In our home, we ask before taking. We do not snatch.’ This balance of understanding and boundary-setting preserves your connection with the child while establishing order. 

Prioritise the Child Who Lost the Toy 

Your first action should be to turn to the child who had the toy taken from them. Hand the toy back and affirm their right to it by saying, ‘This was yours; you can finish your turn.’ This action models justice and demonstrates that fairness is not decided by who is the loudest or quickest. For the child who did the snatching, provide a clear and fair next step: ‘You will have your turn in two minutes. Let us set the timer.’ Using visual aids like sand timers or small clocks makes the concept of turn-taking tangible and can help reduce future conflicts. 

Implement an ‘Ask, Wait, Swap’ Routine 

When everyone is calm, practise a simple, three-part routine for sharing. This proactive approach builds a positive habit that can be used during playtime. 

• Ask: Teach your child to ask politely, ‘Can I have a turn when you have finished?’ 

• Wait: Help them learn to wait patiently, perhaps by taking a deep breath, counting to ten, or finding another small task to do. 

• Swap: Encourage them to exchange toys or invite their sibling to play together for the next round. 

Rehearse this routine briefly each week, and make sure to praise the effort more than the outcome: ‘You asked instead of grabbing, that shows you are growing your self-control.’ 

Avoid Collective Punishment and Forced Sharing 

Resist the urge to snatch the toy away yourself or to lecture both children equally. Imposing a forced sense of fairness can breed resentment. Instead, view each conflict as a training opportunity for developing self-control. Over time, focus on preventing these situations by creating smaller play zones, having duplicates of basic toys, and ensuring you have moments of connection with each child before they play. This helps them start in a calm state rather than feeling competitive for your attention. When disagreements do happen, guide both children towards repair: the child who snatched can say sorry and help reset the game, while the other sibling can practise forgiveness with your gentle encouragement. 

Spiritual Insight 

Sibling dynamics provide one of the earliest environments where a child can learn about core Islamic values. Each interaction over a toy is a chance to practise justice, patience, and mercy, teaching them that these principles begin at home. 

Teach Justice and Patience in Small Daily Trusts 

Fairness between siblings is a foundational lesson in adl (justice) and sabr (patience). Your calm and consistent enforcement teaches that Islam’s call for justice is not an abstract concept but a practical reality that starts at home, between small hands and developing tempers. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

This verse reminds us that restoring peace between siblings is an act of faith that invites divine mercy. When you mediate gently and fairly, you are modelling the Quranic spirit of unity and reconciliation. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one.’ When asked how to help the oppressor, he replied: ‘By preventing him from oppressing others.’ 

This hadith offers a perfect framework for sibling conflicts: protect the child who has been wronged, and gently guide the one who has done wrong by stopping their harmful behaviour. Helping both means ensuring justice for one and providing guidance for the other. Remind your children that every act of patience and fairness earns the pleasure of Allah Almighty. When they wait for their turn, ask politely, or make amends without arguing, they are practising adab (good manners) rooted in mercy.