Parenting Perspective 

It can be both frustrating and discouraging when a teenager claims they ‘did not know’ a rule. While this can sometimes be a genuine misunderstanding, it is often a way to avoid responsibility. The most effective response is to remove any ambiguity, ensuring that rules are not only spoken once but are also visible, consistently reinforced, and linked to fair consequences. 

Clarify and Reinforce Rules 

Do not rely on a single verbal conversation to establish a rule. It is far more effective to write down important household rules and place them somewhere visible, such as on the refrigerator or in a shared family digital space. Take the time to walk through them together, explaining not only what the rules are, but also why they exist. Link each rule to a clear and predictable consequence, leaving no room for plausible denial. 

Check for Real Understanding 

Never assume that your teenager has understood a rule just because they have heard it. Ask them to repeat it back to you in their own words to confirm that they grasp the expectation. For example, you could ask, ‘Can you explain to me what the rule about phone use at bedtime means?’ This simple check can reveal whether they have truly understood or have just been nodding along. 

Stay Calm and Consistent 

Avoid allowing the situation to escalate into an argument about whether the rule was known or not. A calm, firm reminder such as, ‘We have already established this rule, and you know the consequence,’ is more powerful than a lengthy debate. If it genuinely seems that the rule was unclear, take the opportunity to re-establish it firmly for the future. Over time, your teen will learn that claiming ignorance is not a valid way to avoid accountability. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on clarity and personal responsibility. Just as Allah Almighty has provided clear guidance for humanity through revelation, parents are similarly entrusted with the duty to set compassionate and consistent boundaries for their children. 

The Principle of Clear and Fair Burdens 

The Quran teaches that Allah’s commands are always clear and within a person’s capacity to bear, and that each person is responsible for their own deeds. This provides a divine model for setting rules that are both realistic and just. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 286: 

‘ Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity; bearing the (fruits of the) goodness he has earnt, and bearing the (consequences of the) evil he has earnt (in the worldly life)…’ 

The Responsibility of Guardianship 

The prophetic tradition establishes that parents and guardians have a solemn duty not only to set rules but also to ensure that those under their care understand them properly. Guidance must be clear for accountability to be fair. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 893, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When a man appoints a guardian over his family, he is responsible for them.’ 

When you set rules with wisdom and communicate them openly, you are reflecting the divine balance of mercy and justice that Islam emphasises. This approach nurtures not only obedience but also trust, helping your teenager to grow into a morally conscious and responsible adult.