What should I do when my child throws a fit because I will not serve dessert first? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be an exasperating experience when, after working hard to prepare a good meal, your child has a tantrum because you have refused to serve them their dessert first. In that moment, you may be tempted to say, ‘Fine, just take it!’, simply to restore a sense of peace to the home. However, these moments are not just about the dessert; they are about setting boundaries, teaching discipline, and offering a form of emotional training. Your own calm firmness can teach your child that a sense of order, of patience, and of respect is what can bring a sense of peace, while a sense of impulsiveness will only ever bring chaos. 

Understanding the Emotional Trigger 

Children tend to live in the ‘now’. When they see a dessert, their sense of time and of self-restraint can fade away as they want the immediate pleasure first and the reason for the delay later. To them, your refusal can feel like an unfair obstacle to their joy. The tantrum is their way of saying, ‘I cannot handle the feeling of having to wait.’ Recognising this as a sign of their emotional immaturity, rather than as an act of rebellion, can help you to respond with empathy instead of with your own frustration. 

The Calm Script 

When your child begins yelling or crying for their dessert, it is important to take a pause for yourself. You can take a steady breath and remind yourself that you are not in a battle with your child; you are in the process of building their self-control. 

• Acknowledge their desire: ‘I know that you are really excited about the dessert. It does look delicious, does it not?’ 

• State your boundary clearly: ‘In our family, we always eat our main meal first, and then we have our dessert. That is how our bodies can stay healthy and strong.’ 

• Validate their struggle: ‘It can be very hard to have to wait when you really want something sweet. I do understand that.’ 

• Offer reassurance and structure: ‘Once we have all finished our dinner, the dessert will be waiting for us. You will be able to enjoy it even more then.’ 

This calm and considered approach can help to prevent the situation from escalating, while also keeping your family rule intact. You are combining a sense of empathy with a sense of order, a balance that can help to build both a sense of respect and of security in your child. 

Spiritual Insight 

Teaching a child to wait before they are able to enjoy something sweet is not just about their food; it is about nurturing their sense of sabr (patience) and of tarteeb (order), two of the values that are most deeply rooted in our Islamic faith. Every time that you are able to calmly hold your boundary in these situations, you are helping to shape not only your child’s outward behaviour, but also their spiritual character. 

The Virtue of Patience and Restraint in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Asr (103), Verses 2–3: 

‘Indeed, mankind shall surely (remain in a state of) deprivation (moral deficit), except for those people who are believers and undertake virtuous acts; and encouraging (cultivating within themselves and with one another the realisation and dissemination of) the truth and encouraging (cultivating within themselves and with one another the realisation and accomplishment of) resilience.’ 

This verse reminds us that a sense of patience is essential for our success and for our own righteousness. The act of waiting for dessert may seem like a small thing, but it is a powerful and a practical daily training in the art of patience, a virtue that is able to strengthen both our faith and our discipline. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Moderation and Control 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3287, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Eat together and do not separate, for the blessing is in being together.’ 

This hadith fits this situation so beautifully because it teaches us the great value of order, of unity, and of our shared blessings. The act of serving dessert only after the main meal has been eaten helps to reinforce the idea that a sense of discipline and of gratitude is what can make our enjoyment of our food truly meaningful. When you are able to gently insist on this sense of structure, of eating together, in the right order, and with good manners, you are mirroring the prophetic teaching in your own everyday life. 

When your child throws a fit over having to wait for their dessert, it is not just a parenting challenge; it is an opportunity for you to teach some of your most important and life-long values. Your own calm firmness in that moment can show them that our joy is not lost by our waiting; it is in fact enhanced by our patience. 

Every gentle ‘no’ that is backed by your love for them can help to build their own inner strength. One day, when they are faced with some of the bigger desires in their lives, they will be able to remember the quiet power of waiting, the sense of peace that comes from a state of patience, and the sweetness that can follow an act of self-restraint. Through your own calmness, you are teaching them not just a matter of good manners, but the art of a true mastery of the self, a lesson that has the power to nourish both their heart and their soul.