What should I do when my child says sorry but does not mean it? 

Parenting Perspective 

Encourage Reflection Over Performance 

An insincere ‘sorry’ is often a child’s attempt to avoid consequences, not a genuine admission of fault. Rather than accepting it, guide your child to reflect on why an apology is needed. You can ask, ‘I hear you, but can you tell me how you think your actions made your friend feel?’ This simple question encourages them to move from performance to empathy. Over time, this practice builds an awareness that a true apology comes from the heart. 

Guide Them Towards Genuine Repair 

Teach your child that words are only the first step; the proof of sincerity is in making amends. Encourage small, restorative actions, like offering to share a toy or helping the person they have upset. It is important to praise these genuine efforts: ‘I can see you are really trying to make things right, and that is what truly matters.’ This focus on repair helps them to see an apology as a tool for healing relationships. 

From Empty Apologies to Meaningful Action 

This approach gradually transforms empty apologies into meaningful acts of responsibility and kindness. By focusing on empathy and repair rather than forcing words, you help your child see that an apology is about healing relationships, not escaping blame. 

Spiritual Insight 

Reconciliation Must Be Genuine 

Islam teaches that sincerity is the heart of all good deeds, including reconciliation. The Quran reminds believers to make peace between one another, an act which requires a genuine desire to heal bonds in order to receive Allah’s mercy. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

The Danger of Insincere Words 

The prophetic tradition warns that insincerity is a sign of hypocrisy. Using words, such as an apology, without a truthful intention is a serious matter that a believer must always avoid. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, 5021, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The signs of a hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted, he betrays.’ 

Honesty and Sincerity are Valued by Allah 

When you explain to your child that Allah values sincerity far more than empty words, they begin to understand what a true apology is. It is not just about saying ‘sorry,’ but about meaning it and trying to make things right. This perspective helps to nurture genuine empathy and integrity in their character.