What should I do when my child says ‘I am fine’ but clearly is not? 

Parenting Perspective 

Create a Safe Space to Talk 

When your child says they are fine, but their face, tone, or behaviour suggests otherwise, it can feel worrying. Many children use ‘I am fine’ as a shield because they feel embarrassed, are afraid of being told off, or simply do not know how to explain what hurts. It is important not to react with frustration or force them to speak immediately. Instead, show that you are available without judgement. You could gently say, ‘It is okay if you do not want to talk right now. I am here when you feel ready.’ These simple words show your child that opening up is welcome but never demanded. 

Use Relaxed Moments to Connect 

Children often talk more easily during everyday moments that feel relaxed. Sitting side by side while driving, cooking together, or folding laundry can feel less intense than a serious conversation at the dinner table. Let your child know that all feelings are safe with you, even the messy ones. Some children find it easier to draw what they feel or write a note instead of speaking. Be patient and avoid pressing for details before they are ready. Small signs of warmth matter more than forced questions. When you model honesty about your own feelings in small ways, you show your child that being open is not something to fear. Over time, this builds the trust that makes it easier for them to come to you when they are ready. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that gentleness in our words and actions keeps hearts connected. Parents can learn from how the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ approached people with care, even when they were afraid or holding back. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained in your heart, they would have dispersed from around you…‘

Forcing your child to open up before they are ready can feel harsh, shutting the door to trust. Mercy creates safety, and safety invites truth. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.‘

This Hadith reminds us that responding with patience and kindness makes our homes softer places for our children’s hidden feelings. Even if they do not talk today, they will remember your gentle presence. A simple reminder that Allah Almighty knows every secret of the heart can comfort a child who struggles to speak. Together you might make a small Dua such as ‘Ya Allah, help me share what is hard to say.’ In this way, you show them that they are never alone in what they feel, and that no feeling is too heavy for Allah Almighty’s mercy.