What should I do when my child says “But everyone does it”? 

Parenting Perspective 

The phrase ‘But everyone does it’ is a frustrating one for any parent to hear, as it signals a child is beginning to measure right and wrong by peer behaviour rather than by enduring values. This response is common, as children naturally want to belong and will often use this logic to justify an action they know you disapprove of. Your goal is to help your child understand that truth and goodness are not determined by a majority vote, but are based on clear principles. 

Why Children Say “Everyone Does It” 

Understanding the feelings behind the phrase allows you to respond with calm wisdom instead of anger. Children often use this justification because: 

• They feel intense social pressure to fit in and avoid standing out. 

• They believe there is safety and validation in numbers. 

• They have started to confuse what is popular with what is right. 

Reframe Their Thinking 

When your child uses this phrase, gently challenge the underlying assumption. 

‘Even if many people are doing something, that does not automatically make it right. What truly matters is whether an action is good, safe, and pleasing to Allah.’ 

This simple response teaches them to evaluate an action based on its own merit, not on its popularity. 

Use Real-Life Examples 

Help your child see the logical flaw in following the crowd by discussing clear consequences. For example, if everyone in a group cheats on a test, they may all face the same negative outcome. Linking choices to their results helps your child understand that standing apart from a crowd making a poor choice is often the wisest decision. 

Strengthen Personal Responsibility 

Remind your child that they are accountable for their own actions, regardless of what others do. Encourage them to develop an internal moral compass by asking reflective questions. 

‘Would you still be proud of this choice if nobody else was watching you?’ 

Reinforce Belonging at Home 

A child who feels secure and accepted within their family is less desperate for the approval of their peers. Ensure your child knows that their belonging in your family is unconditional. This gives them the courage and resilience to resist unhealthy crowd influence. 

By reframing their thinking and nurturing their sense of responsibility, you can help your child see that following the crowd is not a sign of strength. Instead, they will learn that true confidence lies in choosing what is right. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that truth is not determined by the majority and that real dignity lies in obedience to Allah, not in following the crowd. A child must learn from an early age that standing apart for the right reason is a mark of profound strength and integrity. 

Following the majority can be a path to misguidance, not truth. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 116: 

‘And if you obey (the opinions) of the vast majority of those (who live) on the Earth, you will be misled from the pathway towards Allah (Almighty)…’ 

This verse serves as a powerful reminder that we must not use the behaviour of the masses as our moral compass. Our guidance must come from the unchanging principles of our faith. 

A believer should be a leader who follows principles, not a follower who imitates the crowd. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2007, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not be a people who say, “If the people are good, we will be good, and if they are unjust, we will be unjust.” Rather, make up your own minds; if the people are good, be good, and if they are evil, avoid their injustice.’ 

This hadith directly addresses the “everyone does it” mindset, teaching us to have the strength of conviction to act righteously, regardless of the actions of others. By reminding your child that truth stands firm even when few follow it, you give them the courage to look beyond the excuse of the crowd and base their choices on faith, character, and responsibility.