Parenting Perspective 

It can be deeply unsettling to see your child react to stress by shouting or slamming doors, especially when you recognise the behaviour as your own. It is natural to feel a sense of responsibility or guilt in these moments. This challenging behaviour, however, presents a crucial opportunity for growth for both you and your child. Children are highly perceptive and learn emotional responses from their primary role models. Your reactions to stress, therefore, become their blueprint for managing difficult feelings. 

Recognising the Impact 

The first step is to acknowledge your influence and model a more constructive way to handle pressure. 

• Acknowledge Your Influence: Understand that children learn emotional expression primarily through observation. Their behaviour is a direct reflection of what they have seen. When they imitate negative reactions, it is a clear signal that they require guidance in developing healthier coping strategies. 

• Take a Step Back: If a situation is escalating, physically stepping away can be a powerful tool. This pause gives both you and your child the necessary space to calm down and prevents the conflict from worsening. It demonstrates that taking a moment to breathe is a mature and effective way to handle overwhelming emotions. 

Addressing the Behaviour 

Once things are calm, you can proactively teach your child better ways to manage their feelings. 

• Introduce Alternative Reactions: Have a conversation with your child, explaining that while it is okay to feel big emotions like anger, it is not acceptable to express them in destructive ways. Provide them with a toolkit of alternatives, such as using deep breathing exercises, retreating to a designated ‘calm-down corner’, or verbalising their feelings by saying, ‘I am feeling very angry right now.’ 

• Apologise and Model Change: When you make a mistake and react poorly in front of your child, own it. An apology teaches humility and accountability. You could say, ‘I am sorry for shouting earlier. I was feeling stressed, but I should have handled it better. Next time, I will try to take a deep breath first.’ This shows your child that everyone makes mistakes and that the important thing is to learn from them. 

Consistency and Patience 

Changing ingrained emotional habits takes time and effort. Consistency is the most important element in teaching your child new behaviours. Be patient with yourself and with them. By repeatedly modelling calm and constructive responses to stress, you will help your child internalise these healthier skills, building a foundation of emotional resilience that will serve them for life. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to face hardship with patience and to be mindful of our conduct, especially during moments of distress. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This powerful verse is a reminder that we possess the capacity to manage the challenges we face. Our role as parents is to embody this strength and teach our children to face their own difficulties with patience and trust in Allah’s plan. 

Our speech is a direct reflection of our faith, and we are commanded to control our tongues, even when angered. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 48, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.’ 

This hadith underscores the importance of mindful communication. In moments of stress, choosing silence over angry words is an act of faith and a powerful example for our children. By internalising these teachings, we learn to approach difficult situations with composure, nurturing our children’s ability to handle life’s trials with grace and moral integrity.