What should I do when my child laughs off the same repeated punishment? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child laughs off a repeated punishment, it can feel disheartening, as if they are not taking your authority seriously. In these moments, it is natural to feel frustrated or helpless. However, it is important to consider that children often laugh or dismiss punishment as a coping mechanism when they feel overwhelmed, dismissive, or disconnected from the consequences. This is not necessarily a sign of defiance, but rather a signal that the punishment is not achieving its intended effect. 

Continuous punishment without reflection may lead to desensitisation, where the child no longer fears or respects the consequence. This can be especially true if the punishment feels predictable or disconnected from the action. Instead of leading to growth, it simply becomes part of a routine, and the child learns only to endure immediate discomfort, not to change their behaviour. 

The objective is to shift from a reactive approach to a reflective one. The effectiveness of punishment lies not in its severity but in its ability to foster understanding. If the punishment no longer elicits the desired response, it may be time to revisit the underlying cause of the misbehaviour. It is crucial to engage in a conversation with your child to understand what is motivating their actions and to create consequences that are both meaningful and proportionate. 

Shifting to Meaningful Consequences 

• Reflect on the root cause: Instead of continuing with the same punishment, explore what might be causing your child’s repeated misbehaviour. Is there a deeper emotional need that is not being met? 

• Engage in an open dialogue: Have a conversation with your child about their actions and the resulting consequences, allowing them to express their feelings. This helps the consequences feel more personal and fairer. 

• Align consequences with the misbehaviour: Rather than using generic punishments, introduce natural consequences that directly relate to the action.¹ For example, if a child misuses a toy, they lose access to that toy for a period. 

• Incorporate positive reinforcement: While consequences are necessary, positive reinforcement is also a powerful tool. Acknowledge and praise your child’s efforts when they show improvement, even in small ways. 

By focusing on constructive, reflective consequences, you are not just enforcing rules but also cultivating an environment where your child can develop emotional and social maturity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings emphasise compassionate discipline and gentle correction, offering profound wisdom on how to address our children’s mistakes with care, rather than with anger or harshness.² 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verses 71: 

‘ And the believing men and the believing women, some of them are role models for each other; where they encourage (the doing of) positive (moral actions), and forbid (the doing of) negative (immoral actions); and they establish their prayer and make the benevolent donations – ‘Zakah’, and they (sincerely) obey (the commandments) of Allah (Almighty) and His Messenger (Prophet Muhammad ﷺ)…’ 

This verse highlights the collective responsibility to guide one another towards good with kindness and wisdom. As parents, our role is to lead with gentleness, teaching our children the path of righteousness through understanding rather than through fear. 

It is recorded in Riyadh A Saliheen, Hadith 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best to their wives.’ 

While this hadith specifically addresses kindness within a marriage, its broader principle underscores the importance of gentleness in all family relationships, including with our children. Children learn from the behaviour we model. When parents approach misbehaviour with compassion instead of strict punishment, children are more likely to internalise these values. A child who feels loved and understood is more likely to change their behaviour out of a desire to meet the expectations of a wise and caring guide.