What should I do when my child explodes only with me but not with other adults?

Parenting Perspective 

When a child expresses anger or frustration exclusively with a parent, the emotional core is often a combination of safety and testing boundaries. Children perceive their primary caregiver as a secure base, which paradoxically allows them to release intense emotions they suppress elsewhere. This behaviour is not necessarily defiance but a signal that the child feels safe enough to express vulnerability through anger. Parents should approach these moments with awareness rather than automatic correction, recognising that their reactions can either escalate tension or model calm self-regulation. 

Identify Triggers and Patterns 

Observe what precedes these outbursts: specific requests, transitions, or moments of stress. Keeping a brief mental or written log helps pinpoint triggers. Parent script: ‘I notice you seem frustrated when it is time to stop playing; let us take a deep breath together.’ This validation communicates understanding while gently acknowledging limits. 

Maintain Calm and Consistency 

Responding with measured, predictable reactions prevents escalation and teaches emotional regulation. Avoid mirroring the child’s intensity, which can reinforce volatility. Structured responses such as calmly stating the boundary, offering choices, or pausing before continuing the conversation help the child feel heard without reinforcing aggressive expression. 

Foster Connection Beyond Conflict 

Ensure positive interactions are frequent outside conflict moments. Shared activities, brief check-ins, or verbal affirmations build emotional trust, signalling that the parent-child bond is safe and supportive. This reduces the intensity of future outbursts and helps children associate the parent with both authority and secure attachment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages parents to model patience, understanding, and compassionate guidance, recognising that emotional outbursts often stem from developmental and spiritual growth opportunities. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 17: 

 ‘“O my son, establish your prayers, and (seek to) promote positivity, and (seek to) diminish negativity; and be patient with what afflictions you come across…”.’ 

This verse highlights the value of patience and measured guidance in nurturing moral and emotional development, even in the face of testing behaviour. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2546, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

 ‘A believer is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, and he is gentle and merciful to his family.’ 

By responding calmly and consistently, parents can transform exclusive outbursts into opportunities for teaching self-control, empathy, and mutual respect, reflecting the Prophet’s ﷺ example of patience and balanced guidance.