What should I do when I feel tempted to shield them from all losses? 

Parenting Perspective 

As a parent, it is natural to want to protect your child from disappointment, rejection, and pain. When you see your child losing a game, being left out by friends, or struggling with their schoolwork, the instinct to step in and prevent the hurt can feel overwhelming. However, shielding them from every loss robs them of the opportunity to learn resilience, patience, and problem-solving skills. Life will always contain setbacks, and your role is not to eliminate them, but to guide your child through them with strength, wisdom, and support. 

Recognise Your Protective Instinct 

Acknowledge that your desire to protect your child comes from a place of deep love, not from a weakness. By understanding this, you can give yourself permission to redirect that loving instinct in a healthier, more empowering way. 

• You can tell yourself: ‘I want to keep them safe from pain because I care so deeply.’ 

• Then remind yourself: ‘But true safety does not mean avoiding every challenge.’ 

Remember That Struggles Build Resilience 

Children only learn essential coping skills by navigating real struggles. If they never lose, they never get to practise patience. If they are never left out, they do not learn empathy from experience. Protecting them too much in the present can make life much harder for them later on. 

• Remind yourself: ‘Every small loss they face now is practice for the bigger challenges they will face in the future.’ 

Aim to Support, Not to Shield 

Instead of trying to prevent the loss, focus on standing beside your child as they experience it. This balances empathy with the space they need for personal growth. 

• Be fully present with them when they feel sad or disappointed. 

• Offer comfort with simple words like, ‘I know this hurts, and I am here with you.’ 

• Help them to reflect after the loss by asking, ‘What did you learn from this experience?’ 

Use Everyday Situations as Teaching Moments 

Allow your children to face small, manageable disappointments at home, where they are in a safe and loving environment. These moments build their emotional muscles for larger challenges. 

• Let them lose a board game without you trying to make them win. 

• Encourage them to take turns with siblings, even when they do not like waiting. 

• Support them when their ideas are not chosen during group play with friends. 

Model Calm Acceptance of Your Own Setbacks 

Your example is their most powerful teacher. Show them how you handle minor setbacks and disappointments in your own life with grace and perspective. 

• ‘I did not get the result I wanted today, but that is okay. I will try again tomorrow.’ 

• ‘I felt disappointed about that, but I also learned something important from it.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that trials and losses are a part of Allah Almighty’s divine wisdom and mercy. Shielding a child from every loss denies them the chance to learn sabr (patience) and to develop their trust in Allah’s perfect decree. Your role is to guide them towards seeing loss not as a punishment, but as an opportunity for growth. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse is a profound reassurance that every challenge we face is within our capacity to handle. For a child, it means that even the small losses and disappointments they encounter are bearable and serve a purpose in their development. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 492, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, not even the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.’ 

This hadith teaches that every form of difficulty, no matter how small, carries a spiritual benefit and reward. It helps to reframe losses for a child as opportunities for purification and drawing closer to Allah. By sharing this insight, you show them that losing is not merely a harm to be avoided, but a form of training for the heart. True protection is not shielding them from the world, but preparing them for it with faith, patience, and perspective.