What should I do when I can feel anger rising but my child is not actually doing anything wrong? 

Parenting Perspective 

Recognising the Real Source of Anger 

One of the most revealing and humble times in parenting is when your emotional outburst is primarily related to your own inner state and has little to do with your child’s actions. Your child may not be misbehaving, but they may be complaining, dropping toys, or just being noisy. Therefore, your annoyance has nothing to do with disobedience. It has to do with exhaustion, sensory overload, overstimulation, or repressed stress. Instead of correcting the child at that point, correct the story. Say to yourself: This is my reaction, not their wrongdoing. This distinction safeguards your relationship and your child’s innocence. 

Practical Steps for Self-Regulation 

Use physical interruption techniques to reset wash your hands, stretch your arms above your head, step into another room for ten seconds. You can even say out loud to your child, You have done nothing wrong. Mum just needs a minute to feel calm again. This demonstrates real-time regulating and teaches emotional transparency. No child needs a flawless parent. They require parents who pay attention, stop, and fix. The pause is what fosters trust and resilience on both sides. 

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Spiritual Insight 

Al Haleem, or the Forbearing, is one of Allah Almighty’s names. He is forgiving not only of sinners but also of innocent people who are still in the process of learning. Parenting asks you to reflect this quality, especially when your child is simply being a child. Pausing in such times is a sign of spiritual strength. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 37: 

“And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.” 

This verse serves as a reminder that controlling one’s wrath is a quality that distinguishes virtuous individuals. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2318: 

“He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him.” 

This Hadith serves as a powerful reminder that showing kindness is necessary, particularly during times of extreme emotion. Even when no wrongdoing has occurred, anger may still erupt; in such cases, you are encouraged to control your emotions. In addition to protecting your child’s mental environment, exercising restraint during those times helps you become more like the merciful and patient god that Islam exhorts us to be. 

Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey: