What should I do when arguments turn into hurtful words? 

Parenting Perspective 

Arguments are a normal part of family life, but when they cross the line into hurtful words, the emotional damage can last far longer than the disagreement itself. It is vital to teach children that while conflict is natural, cruelty in speech is never acceptable. The key is to pause the argument, reset the emotional tone with calmness, and teach the importance of repair afterwards. 

Pause the Conversation 

When you hear voices rising and words becoming sharp, it is important to call a halt to the discussion. You can say, ‘We are all feeling too upset to talk about this right now. Let’s take a pause and speak again when we are calmer.’ Stepping away from the conflict prevents further harm and models emotional self-control for your child. 

Teach Respectful Limits 

Once everyone has cooled down, you can revisit the issue and reinforce the boundary. For example: ‘We can disagree in our family, but we are not allowed to use hurtful words. They cause pain and do not solve the problem.’ This sets a clear boundary between normal frustration and unacceptable, harmful speech. 

Model Repair and Reconciliation 

Show your child how to apologise and rebuild a connection after a conflict. If you were also at fault, you can say, ‘I spoke too harshly earlier, and I am sorry. Let’s try to discuss this again respectfully.’ Encouraging them to do the same teaches them the power of humility and the importance of mending relationships. 

Reinforce Positive Expression 

Guide your child towards using healthier phrases to express their anger. For instance, instead of shouting, ‘I hate you!’, they can learn to say, ‘I feel very angry right now.’ Practising respectful alternatives gives them the tools they need to manage conflict without damaging their relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places an immense weight on the responsibility of the tongue. Our words can be a source of profound peace or a weapon of great harm, and families are strongly urged to use their speech with care. Guiding children to guard their words in moments of anger reflects both Quranic and prophetic wisdom. 

The Accountability of Every Word 

The Quran reminds us that every single word we utter, whether harsh or kind, is recorded by angels, and that this accountability is a central part of our faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verses 18: 

‘ (Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded), who is always present.‘ 

Speaking Good or Remaining Silent 

The prophetic tradition establishes a clear and simple rule for all believers: if you cannot say something good, then silence is the better and safer option, especially during moments of anger. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 47, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.’ 

By addressing hurtful words with calm correction and a focus on repair, you are living out the Islamic values of restraint and responsibility. Your child learns that words are not tools for winning arguments, but a sacred trust that must be used wisely to build respect and love in the home.