What should I do when anger makes my child slam doors or break things? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child slams a door, throws a toy, or breaks something in a moment of anger, it can feel shocking and personal. However, while the behaviour is serious, it is also a form of communication an unskilled way of saying, ‘I am overwhelmed, and I do not know what to do with this feeling.’ Your task as a parent is to teach them how to express their emotions, not how to suppress them, helping your child to feel their anger safely without harming anyone or anything. 

The Root of Destructive Anger 

Anger is a natural emotion; the challenge lies in what your child does with it. When children slam or break things, their brains are flooded with stress hormones and adrenaline. In that moment, they need help coming down from that surge, not punishment. Your goal is to help your child build the skills to manage these big emotions, not to make them fear their own feelings. 

Guiding Them Through Angry Outbursts 

First and foremost, you must prioritise safety. If your child’s anger is turning destructive, calmly remove anything that could cause harm and step between them and others if needed. Keep your voice low and slow as you say, ‘I will not let you hurt yourself or break things. Let us take a break until we can calm down.’ This sets a boundary without escalating the tension. 

It is important to stay present, not punitive. Your presence communicates safety, and a child often fears being abandoned in a moment of rage. After the initial burst of anger has passed, you can kneel down and use a calm, confident voice: ‘I can see you are very angry. It is okay to feel angry, but it is not okay to slam doors or break things.’ This separates the feeling from the behaviour, which helps children to understand that they are loved even when they are being corrected. 

You can then offer some safe alternatives and healthy outlets for their anger, such as squeezing a pillow or a stress ball, stomping their feet, or doing ‘dragon breaths’—a big, powerful exhale through the mouth. Once everyone is calm, you can invite your child to reflect on what happened and to repair any damage. Helping to fix what was broken teaches a sense of responsibility and empathy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Anger can either destroy or discipline; the difference lies in the guidance we receive. When you teach your child to express their anger without causing damage, you are helping them to transform a raw emotion into wisdom. 

Controlling Anger as a Sign of True Strength 

The Quran reminds us that real strength lies in forgiveness and self-restraint. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 37: 

‘And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.’ 

Just as we are called to manage our own anger with dignity, our children must also learn that peace begins with control, not retaliation. When you teach your child to calm their body instead of breaking something, you are planting this Quranic principle deep in their heart. 

The Prophet’s ﷺTeaching on Inner Mastery 

The teachings of our Prophet ﷺ offer profound wisdom on physical regulation during moments of anger. The Prophet ﷺ linked our emotional state to our posture, reminding us that calming the body helps to calm the heart. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If one of you becomes angry while standing, let him sit down; if the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise, let him lie down.’ 

When your child slams a door, teaching them to change their body state by sitting, lying down, or walking away echoes this prophetic wisdom. It helps to replace a destructive action with a grounding movement. By practising this, your child learns that self-control is not about suppression, but about redirection, turning the wave of anger into a feeling of stillness.