What should I do when a teen only responds to big rewards? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a teenager seems to require large rewards to feel motivated, it often indicates that their sense of internal satisfaction needs to be nurtured. The goal is to gently shift their focus from external incentives to the inherent value of effort and personal growth. 

Understand the Reliance on External Motivation 

If a teenager only responds to significant rewards, it may be because smaller, everyday forms of encouragement have lost their impact. This can happen if minor privileges or praise are not given enough weight, or if they have come to associate effort exclusively with grand outcomes. Recognising this pattern is the first step toward rebalancing their perspective. 

Shift the Focus to Internal Satisfaction 

Begin by gradually scaling down the size of rewards while increasing the emphasis on effort, responsibility, and character. Instead of saying, ‘You will get something big if you do this,’ try, ‘I admire how you managed your time today; that shows real maturity.’ Combine smaller tokens with relational rewards — trust, respect, and responsibility — which often hold more meaning for adolescents. Over time, this approach nurtures a sense of pride and self-respect, reducing their dependence on large incentives. 

Teach a Balance Between Effort and Reward 

Make it clear that while rewards can be a part of encouragement, they are not the sole purpose of putting in effort. You can encourage consistency by celebrating small but important steps, such as good revision habits or acts of kindness at home, without attaching them to a major prize. This teaches your teenager that steady growth and character are valued just as much as significant achievements. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the ultimate worth of any action lies in its intention, not in the worldly gains it might produce. A teenager focused only on big rewards can be gently guided toward the understanding that lasting fulfilment comes from sincerity. 

True Motivation Springs from Intention 

Every effort made with a good intention is seen and valued by Allah Almighty, regardless of the material outcome. This is a powerful source of internal motivation. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 195: 

‘Then their Sustainer responded to them (saying): “Indeed, I shall not let the actions of any labourer amongst you go to waste, whether they are male or female, as some of you are from others (i.e. from the same human race)…”.’ 

This verse is a beautiful reassurance that every effort counts in the sight of Allah Almighty, no matter how small it may seem in the world. 

Train the Heart Away from Materialism 

The prophetic teachings guide us to find richness in contentment and character rather than in possessions. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 373, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Richness is not having many possessions, but richness is being content with oneself.’ 

This Hadith highlights that true satisfaction is an internal state, not something that can be bought with external rewards. By gradually moving your teenager from a dependency on big rewards to an appreciation for sincere effort, you help them develop resilience, gratitude, and intrinsic motivation, preparing them to see success as a reflection of their character.