What should I do if my child says they feel stupid at school? 

Parenting Perspective 

Reframe the Struggle 

Hearing your child say, ‘I feel stupid,’ can be heartbreaking. Many children compare themselves to their classmates and can start to believe they are not good enough if they struggle with certain lessons or make mistakes. The first step is to help your child see that struggling does not mean they are less clever; it simply means they are learning in their own time. Use gentle words: ‘Feeling stuck does not mean you are stupid. It just means you need a bit more practice, and that is okay.’ 

Listen and Normalise Mistakes 

Listen carefully to what makes them feel this way. Is it a particular subject, a teacher’s comment, or something a classmate said? Let them know that they can talk about these worries without shame. Share your own stories about times when you felt confused or made mistakes at school, as this helps them to see that learning is a journey for everyone, not a race. Praise their effort, not just their results: ‘I am proud of how hard you tried, even when it was difficult.’ You can practise positive self-talk together, such as, ‘I am learning. I will get better with help.’ Over time, these small reminders help your child see that mistakes do not define them; they shape them into someone who keeps trying. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that our worth is not measured by grades or perfect answers but by our effort and trust in Allah Almighty. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 139: 

‘And do not weaken (seeing the strength of the opposition), and do not grieve (for those of passed away as martyrs); and ultimately you will prevail, if you are (true) believers.‘

Remind your child that they are not defined by what they get right or wrong at school but by their honesty, effort, and faith. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564c, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth but at your hearts and deeds.‘

Teach your child that Allah Almighty sees their hard work and loves those who keep trying, even when something feels difficult. You can encourage your child to make a small Dua when they feel discouraged: ‘Ya Allah, help me understand and make my mind strong.’ Over time, this gentle, faith-based guidance helps your child see that they are never ‘stupid’ in the eyes of Allah Almighty; they are a learner, held and supported by His mercy every step of the way.