What should I do after I have lost control and feel ashamed of how I treated my child? 

Parenting Perspective 

Using Shame as a Springboard 

It can be distressing to lose control as a parent. Long after the incident has passed, you may still remember the acerbic remarks, the elevated voice, and the expression on your child’s face. That echo, however, does not indicate that you are a poor parent. It indicates that your heart is still vulnerable, open, and driven. When handled properly, shame can serve as a springboard for significant personal development. 

The Power of Reflection and a New Intention 

Start by taking a moment to name what happened, both to your child and to yourself. Say, I should not have shouted. I sincerely apologise. Children do not need us to pretend we are perfect. We must provide an example of emotional responsibility for them. In addition to avoiding conflict, this teaches children how to mend relationships. After that, think in private: What made you lose it? Were you worn out, overburdened, or caught off guard? Being aware of your own triggers is the first step towards change, not a justification. Next time, consider what you can do differently. Could you take a moment to relax? Could you ask for help or employ a grounding Dhikr? Each regret can become a new intention. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam meets human weakness not with rejection, but with mercy. Allah Almighty, in Surah Al Zumar (39), Verse 53, says: 

“Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins….” 

This is an emotional salve as well as a spiritual assertion. This verse serves as a reminder that kindness is always available, even in parenting, when guilt can run deep. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, the most spiritually refined of all, reminded us in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2499: 

“All the children of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent. “

You can still be a loving parent despite your misstep. It challenges you to develop greater consciousness. Istighfar is a reset of your inner compass, not just a ritual. You are not only healing your spirit when you sincerely return to Allah Almighty, but you are also healing the atmosphere in your home. Being a parent is a part of your spiritual path. You will falter and then get back up. Perfection is not the aim. Being present, both with your child and with Allah Almighty, is the aim. Let your strength be your return. Let your legacy be one of humility.