What should I avoid doing that might accidentally make tantrums worse?
Parenting Perspective
Children frequently show emotional distress by having tantrums when they do not have the ability to handle feelings of frustration, disappointment, or tiredness. Although these situations are normal for development, some adult reactions might unintentionally make them worse. Responding with anger, yelling, or strict punishment may heighten a child’s anxiety instead of calming the situation. In a similar manner, providing the requested item or activity just to end the tantrum could reinforce that behaviour, teaching the child that crying or screaming leads to getting what they want. Inconsistency is important; when a boundary is enforced one day but not the next, it confuses the child and increases the chances of emotional outbursts.
A frequent mistake that can be avoided is attempting to reason with a child during a meltdown. When someone is having a tantrum, their emotional responses take control over their logical thinking. It is not reasonable to expect them to comply at that time. Children’s primary needs are to feel secure and acknowledged, rather than being questioned or confronted. After they have settled, instruction can begin. Establishing a clear and consistent environment, recognising potential triggers such as hunger or changes in routine, and preparing in advance can all contribute to minimising the occurrence and severity of tantrums. Having steady boundaries and a calm approach from parents is crucial for healthy emotional growth over time.
Spiritual Insight
Islamic teachings encourage parents to respond to difficulty with patience, mercy, and wisdom. Tantrums are a test of character not only for children but also for parents. The noble Quran reminds us that emotional control is a sign of strength and righteousness. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: ‘….They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ This verse affirms that choosing mercy over reaction is beloved by Allah Almighty and brings blessing into the family dynamic.
Additionally, the life of holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ provides many lessons in emotional regulation. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others. Rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ In parenting, this means staying calm and collected, even when dealing with difficult behaviour. Instead of quickly disciplining a child for a tantrum, a parent should try to understand what triggered it and guide the child towards a better way to express their feelings once they have calmed down.
Duas can also support this process. Reciting the following during moments of frustration can help: ‘Rabbi yassir wa la tu’assir, wa tammim bil-khayr’ (O my Lord, make it easy and do not make it difficult, and make it end well). Through consistent practice and faith in the process, children develop self-regulation by observing their parents’ patience and strength, which are rooted in compassion. This closely follows the prophetic tradition of encouraging good character through patience and kindness.
