Parenting Perspective 

When a child is told, ‘Go and ask your Mum/Dad’, it can quickly spiral into a frustrating loop where they bounce between parents until they receive the answer they want. This dynamic erodes parental unity and teaches children that they can manipulate situations to their advantage. A clear, consistent script ensures that parents share responsibility equally and that children learn to accept that one answer is final. 

Adopt a Simple, United Script 

When your child approaches you for permission after already having spoken to your spouse, the response should be calm, predictable, and united. The script is simple: 

• First, calmly ask: ‘What did your Mum/Dad say?’ 

• Once they have told you, affirm the decision by saying: ‘Then that is our final answer’. 

This instantly closes the loop without needing a fresh debate or explanation every single time. 

Make the ‘One Answer’ Rule a Family Standard 

It is helpful to announce this policy openly as a family standard. You could say, ‘In our family, we have a rule: if one parent gives an answer, the other parent will support it. That answer is final’. Repeating this principle openly builds accountability and discourages children from trying to find a loophole. 

Reinforce Your Shared Responsibility 

If a child persists in trying to get a different answer, you can gently but firmly redirect them by saying, ‘We make these decisions together. Asking a second time will not change the answer’. By consistently redirecting the responsibility back to the parental team, you stop them from viewing you as separate, oppositional figures. 

By adhering to a simple, united script, parents can effectively prevent manipulation, reduce household tension, and model true teamwork. Your children learn that while persistence is a virtue, parent-hopping is not an effective strategy, and that respect and honesty are far more valuable. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great value on unity, justice, and integrity within the family structure. Confusion and discord arise when parents give mixed signals, but clarity and consistency are a reflection of both mercy and fairness. 

The Importance of Clarity and Truth 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 42: 

‘And do not mix the truth with falsehood, and do not conceal the truth, and you are fully aware (of what you are doing).‘ 

This verse commands us to be clear and truthful. In parenting, this means avoiding the falsehood of mixed signals. A united answer is a form of truth that protects the trust and harmony within the family. 

The Virtue of Truthfulness 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6094, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person.’ 

This Hadith teaches us that truthfulness is a path to righteousness. By being consistently truthful and united in their answers, parents model this essential Islamic virtue for their children, guiding them on the same path. 

By using a steady script to end the “go ask Mum/Dad” loop, you nurture honesty, fairness, and unity. Your children grow up knowing that trust in their parents is firm, that decisions are reliable, and that family harmony is worth more than winning a momentary argument.