Parenting Perspective 

When a relative attempts to start gossiping about one parent in front of a child, it can quietly damage the child’s respect, loyalty, and fundamental sense of emotional safety. Children should never be forced into the role of choosing sides or carrying harmful words about either of their parents. The safest approach is to equip them with a respectful script that allows them to gracefully exit the conversation while protecting the dignity of everyone involved. 

Equip Your Child with a Respectful Script 

It is important to teach your children a few calm and polite responses that they can use in these uncomfortable situations. Consider phrases like: 

• ‘I do not feel comfortable talking about Mum/Dad when they are not here’. 

• ‘Mum and Dad always explain things to me themselves if I need to know’. 

• ‘I would rather we talked about something else, please’. 

Practising these responses at home in a calm setting will give your child the confidence to use them when needed, without feeling guilty or awkward. 

Reassure Your Child After the Event 

A child may feel conflicted or guilty after shutting down a conversation with an elder. It is crucial to reassure them privately afterwards by saying something like, ‘You did exactly the right thing. It is not your job to listen to or carry what others say about us’. This powerful affirmation lifts the burden from their hearts and strengthens their trust in you as their parent. 

Address the Issue Directly with Relatives 

If you notice that the gossip is a recurring issue, it is important to address it directly with the relatives involved. You could say, ‘We are trying to raise our children to respect both of us equally. Could we please ask you to avoid speaking negatively about either of us in front of them?’ By framing the request around the children’s well-being, you can reduce defensiveness while making your boundary perfectly clear. 

By giving your children these respectful tools and following up with your own reassurance and clear boundaries, you can effectively protect them from the harm of gossip while preserving both family harmony and parental dignity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a profound emphasis on the importance of guarding the tongue and protecting the honour of others. Gossip (ghibah) corrodes trust and spreads division, and our children must be protected from any words that might sow disrespect towards their parents. 

The Quranic Prohibition of Backbiting 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘…And do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive…’ 

This powerful verse illustrates the true ugliness of gossip and backbiting. Teaching a child to remove themselves from such conversations is a direct application of this Quranic command, protecting them from its destructive effects. 

The Character of a Believer 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1977, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not one who reviles, curses, speaks obscenely, or is foul.’ 

This Hadith teaches us that a true believer actively protects their speech from all forms of harmful and foul language. By showing our children that avoiding gossip is an act of faith and dignity, we guide them towards this noble characteristic. 

By teaching your children respectful scripts and modelling Islamic restraint, you protect their innocence and embed the core values of respect and truthfulness. They grow up learning that guarding the tongue is as important as guarding the heart, and that protecting their family’s honour is part of pleasing Allah Almighty.