Parenting Perspective 

Many parents mistakenly think that being harsh on themselves will somehow make them ‘better’ parents, but in fact, the opposite is often true. Constant self-criticism can drain your energy and your patience, making you more likely to snap at your children. Self-compassion is not a form of indulgence; it is the fuel that is required for consistent and calm parenting. By creating simple and consistent routines of kindness towards yourself, you can build your own resilience and at the same time model healthy coping mechanisms for your child. 

Begin with a Morning Intention 

You can begin each day with a short, personal dua or a simple affirmation, such as, ‘Ya Allah, please help me to be a patient and merciful parent today.’ This simple act helps to centre your mindset on growth rather than on perfection. 

Create a ‘Pause and Breathe’ Routine 

When you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, you can pause for a moment to take three slow, deep breaths before you react to the situation. This small but powerful act can both calm your own nervous system and help to prevent you from using harsh responses. 

Practise Daily Reflection on Your Successes 

At the end of each day, take a moment to write down one parenting moment that you handled well, even if it was very small. Over time, this practice of noticing your own successes can help to build trust in your abilities as a parent. 

Repair Your Mistakes Without Lingering Guilt 

It is a healthy routine to apologise and reconnect with your child after you have made a mistake. This normalises the act of taking accountability and also shows your child that love continues after a conflict. 

Include Small, Consistent Acts of Self-Care 

Routine acts, such as making sure you drink enough water, taking a short walk, or having a few moments of quiet time for yourself, are what help to restore your energy. A parent who is replenished is naturally able to be gentler and more effective. 

The practice of self-compassion is not selfish; it is what allows you to break out of draining cycles of guilt and to show up for your child with both strength and softness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Balancing Humility with Self-Mercy 

Islam encourages believers to find a balance between humility and a sense of mercy towards themselves. While despair and harsh self-criticism can block our growth, the act of seeking the help of Allah with a sense of hope is what leads to our renewal. 

The Divine Call to Have Mercy on Yourself 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verses 53: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful”.’ 

This verse is a beautiful reminder that Allah calls us to have mercy on ourselves and to never fall into a state of despair over our mistakes. 

The Virtue of Striving and Seeking Help 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2664, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although there is good in both. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek help from Allah, and do not lose heart.’ 

This hadith teaches us that our strength comes from continuously striving for what is beneficial, not from engaging in self-blame. By building daily routines of self-compassion and renewal, you are aligning yourself with the Islamic message of hope and resilience. Your child will then get to see a parent who strives, who learns, and who grows, proving that kindness to yourself is not a weakness, but is in fact a path to becoming a better parent.