Parenting Perspective 

Family visits can sometimes bring with them a host of unwanted opinions about your parenting, your culture, or your household choices. Without some careful preparation, these visits can easily become tense, leaving your children feeling caught in the middle. Establishing a set of calming routines for the time before, during, and after these visits can help you to maintain a sense of peace, preserve the respect between family members, and protect your child’s sense of security. 

Prepare Yourselves Before the Visit 

It is helpful to talk with your spouse in private before a family visit and to agree on your boundaries. You can decide in advance how you will respond to certain comments, so that you do not end up contradicting each other in front of your relatives. 

Establish Warm Arrival Rituals 

You can start each visit with warm greetings, genuine smiles, and perhaps even a shared dua for a blessed time together. This helps to set a positive and welcoming tone that can reduce the likelihood of criticism and tension. 

Redirect Unhelpful Conversations Calmly 

If unhelpful opinions about your parenting do arise, you can respond with a gentle phrase like, ‘Thank you for sharing your advice; we will certainly think about it.’ You can then immediately change the subject to a more neutral topic, such as the food, your children’s progress at school, or other community news. 

Create Child-Friendly, Inclusive Activities 

Try to keep your children engaged with stories, games, or simple chores that can also involve your relatives. This helps to shift the focus away from a discussion of your parenting choices and towards a shared, positive bonding experience. 

Always End on a Positive Note 

Before you leave, you can highlight something positive from the visit by saying, ‘We really enjoyed hearing all of your stories today.’ This helps to end the visit with a sense of dignity and mutual respect, even if some challenging opinions were voiced. 

By transforming your family visits into structured and calm routines, you can reduce the chance of conflict and can model for your child how to manage family relationships with patience and respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honouring Relatives While Protecting Your Home 

Islam teaches us to honour our relatives and to maintain our family ties, even when our opinions may differ. The way that you manage these visits is a reflection of your taqwa (God-consciousness) and your commitment to preserving the unity in your home, while at the same time protecting your child’s emotional well-being. 

Guarding Against Division 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 32: 

‘(Or become) like those people who have created divisions in their religion, and they have become sects; each of the groups proselytising (the doctrines) that they have.’ 

This verse reminds us that a spirit of division has the power to weaken our families and our communities, while a commitment to unity is a part of our faith. 

The Reward in Maintaining Family Ties 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 68, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who merely reciprocates, but the one who maintains relations even when others cut them off.’ 

This hadith teaches us that our true spiritual strength lies in our ability to preserve our family ties with patience, even when we may be faced with criticism or disagreement. By preparing routines that bring a sense of calm, showing patience in your speech, and upholding the Islamic values of kinship, you can help to make your family visits feel more peaceful. Your child will then learn from your example that respect, patience, and unity are far more important than winning any argument.