Parenting Perspective 

Children thrive on a sense of predictability, especially when their parents have different styles of discipline or parenting. Inconsistent expectations can leave a child feeling confused or insecure, but a sense of stability can be created through routines that provide a clear structure, regardless of which parent is present at the time. These routines should be clear, simple, and rooted in your family’s shared values, giving your child a tangible sense of safety that can exist even amidst your different approaches. 

Establish Morning and Evening Anchors 

It is helpful to establish consistent practices for the beginning and the end of each day, such as making a short dua together, sharing a family breakfast, or reading a bedtime story. These predictable anchors can provide a deep sense of stability that is not affected by any differences in your parenting styles. 

Create Shared Mealtime Practices 

You can make your family meals a device-free zone where respectful conversation is the norm. Even if your discipline styles may differ in other areas of life, your mealtimes can become a reliable routine of calm and positive connection that your child can always depend on. 

Agree on a Few Key House Rules 

Even if you may differ in your methods, you can agree on three to five consistent house rules, such as ‘no hitting,’ ‘respectful speech,’ or ‘homework before playtime.’ When your core rules are predictable and consistent, your child will feel more secure. 

Keep Discipline Discussions Private 

If you do happen to disagree on how to respond to your child’s misbehaviour, it is important to keep those discussions private. It is best to present a united front to your child, so that they never feel as though they are caught in the middle. 

Establish Weekly Family Rituals 

You can establish a simple weekly practice, such as a family walk, a short Quran circle, or a dedicated ‘gratitude time.’ These shared rituals help to strengthen your family’s bonds and provide a sense of emotional stability that can transcend any differences in your parenting styles. 

By grounding your daily family life in routines that both of you are committed to, you can give your child the precious gifts of consistency and security. You will be teaching them through your actions that the love and respect in your family are stronger than any individual differences. 

Spiritual Insight 

Stability, Mercy, and Guidance 

Islam calls on parents to provide a sense of stability, mercy, and guidance for their children. When parents are able to build consistent routines in their home, they are reflecting the quality of justice and are fulfilling their role as the shepherds of their household. 

Stability Through Justice and Good Conduct 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’ 

This verse reminds us that the principles of justice and goodness must be at the heart of all of our family practices, including the daily routines that help to shape a child’s sense of stability. 

The Profound Role of Parents in a Child’s Upbringing 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2658, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There is no child born but that he is upon the natural disposition (fitrah). It is his parents who make him a Jew, a Christian, or a Magian.’ 

This hadith teaches us that parents have an immense influence on their children, and that the consistency and stability they are able to provide will help to shape the way their child grows in their faith. By creating family routines that are rooted in justice, mercy, and shared values, you can show your child that stability does not depend on their parents having identical styles, but on the love, faith, and clarity that you are committed to together. This gives them both a sense of worldly security and a firm spiritual grounding.