What routine teaches doing the right thing during babysitter time, not just with me? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be disheartening to hear from a babysitter that your child, who behaves beautifully with you, was testing limits the entire time you were away. This is, however, a normal developmental stage. Young children often associate good behaviour with specific people rather than with personal principles. Your role is to build consistency by teaching them that values are portable; the right thing to do remains the right thing, regardless of who is present. 

Anchor Rules to Identity, Not Authority 

Children follow rules more deeply when they see them as part of who they are, not just as instructions from the person who is watching them. Begin by using language that links their behaviour to their self-concept. For example, ‘In our family, we speak kindly to everyone, even when Mum or Dad is not around,’ or ‘We clean up after ourselves because we care about our home, not just because someone tells us to.’ This approach replaces the need for external control with a sense of ownership over values. Over time, your child will start to see integrity as part of their identity, rather than as simple obedience to a supervisor. 

Establish a ‘Mini Code of Conduct’ 

Before the babysitter arrives, it can be helpful to have a brief, predictable ritual that sets expectations without the need for long lectures. Keep it positive, short, and visual. 

• Step 1: Name three anchor behaviours, for example, kindness, listening, and tidiness. 

• Step 2: Phrase them as affirmations: ‘We use kind voices,’ ‘We help to tidy up after we play,’ and ‘We listen when someone is talking to us.’ 

• Step 3: Ask your child to repeat them or to draw tiny pictures representing each one. 

This ritual helps to transform the rules from commands into shared commitments. When expectations are rehearsed with warmth and clarity, children tend to internalise them faster. 

Use the Babysitter as a Partner, Not a Judge 

Explain to your child that the babysitter is part of the team, not just a replacement parent. You could say, ‘When you show the babysitter respect and cooperation, you make their job much easier, and Allah Almighty loves people who help others.’ It is also important to speak privately with the babysitter about your approach, inviting them to describe positive behaviour to you later, rather than just punishing slips. When both adult figures echo the same calm tone, the child’s moral compass can stay steady. 

Introduce a Consistent Follow-Up Ritual 

When you return home, it is best to skip the interrogation. Instead, you can create a gentle ‘story check-in’. 

Parent: ‘Tell me one kind thing you did while I was out.’ 

Child: ‘I shared my toys.’ 

Parent: ‘That is wonderful. What would you like to improve on for next time?’ 

This kind of reflection helps them to connect their choices to their values, not just to your presence. A brief dua of gratitude at the end, such as, ‘Alhamdulillah for helping us to be kind while we were apart,’ makes morality feel anchored in faith. 

Model Integrity in Your Own Absence 

Children learn most effectively when they see consistency in your own behaviour. You can mention moments when you chose to do the right thing even when you were unseen, such as returning excess change at a shop, keeping a promise you made, or speaking politely to someone new. Let them hear you say, ‘We do what is right wherever we are, because it is part of who we are.’ Your living example will cement this lesson more effectively than any lecture. 

Through structure, reflection, and modelling, your child will slowly shift from situational behaviour to a sense of inner responsibility. The aim is not perfection under supervision, but sincerity in freedom. 

Spiritual Insight 

Teaching your child to act rightly when a babysitter is present is, in essence, teaching them taqwa, the consciousness that Allah Almighty is always present. When a child learns to behave well because it is pleasing to Allah, and not just because it pleases you, their moral compass can remain constant across all settings. 

Acting Right Even When Unseen 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 18: 

‘(Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded), who is always present.’ 

This verse reminds us that the awareness of Allah Almighty accompanies us everywhere we go. You can share this concept gently with your child by saying, ‘Even when Mum and Dad are away, the angels of Allah are with you, writing down every good word you say and every kind act you do.’ This should be presented not as a source of fear, but as a motivation, showing that unseen goodness still counts and earns a reward. 

Good Conduct as a Sign of Faith 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1738, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of you to me and the closest to me on the Day of Resurrection are those who are best in character.’ 

This hadith teaches that good manners, whether they are shown to parents, babysitters, or strangers, are one of the marks of true faith. You can encourage your child by saying, ‘When you behave in a kind and fair way even when I am not here, you are following the Sunnah of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.’ This connects their good behaviour to a higher spiritual purpose. 

In time, your child will come to understand that doing the right thing is not about surveillance, but about sincerity. Time spent with a babysitter then becomes more than just a test of obedience; it becomes an opportunity for them to practise independent goodness. This is the living proof that faith, once it is rooted in the heart, shines through wherever they are and whomever they are with.