Parenting Perspective 

When conflicts arise between parents and older children, the process of repair can often feel complicated. Older children, especially teens, are at a stage where their sense of independence is evolving, and they may withdraw emotionally as they navigate their own feelings. One of the most important tools in repairing a relationship with an older child is giving them space, not as a form of punishment, but as a way to show respect for their autonomy and allow them the time they need to process the situation. 

Space Helps Prevent Escalation 

When emotions are high after a disagreement, both you and your child may say things you later regret. Giving space allows both of you time to cool off and gain perspective before addressing the issue again. 

• What to do: After a conflict, allow your child space to retreat to their room. Let them know you are available to talk, but that you understand they need time. You could say, ‘I think we both need some space right now. When you are ready, I would like to talk about what happened.’ 

• Why it works: Giving space allows both of you to cool down, reducing the risk of saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment. 

Space Respects Their Need for Autonomy 

Older children and teens are seeking more independence, and one of the best ways to show respect for their growing autonomy is by giving them the space to make decisions for themselves. 

• What to do: Let your child know that you respect their need for space. For example, ‘I know you may need some time alone to think about this, and I am okay with that. We can talk when you are ready.’ 

• Why it works: This gesture of trust shows that you respect their need for control and that you see them as a young adult who can handle their emotions. 

Space Can Open the Door for Reflection 

Providing space after a conflict also allows your child the opportunity to reflect on the situation without feeling judged or pressured. They can process their emotions and think critically about the conflict. 

• What to do: After giving space, follow up with a thoughtful and open invitation to discuss the situation. For example, ‘I have been thinking about what happened, and I would like to understand your perspective. When you are ready, let us talk about it.’ 

• Why it works: When you give your child time to reflect, they are more likely to come to the conversation with a calmer, clearer mindset. 

Space Shows Respect for Their Emotional Process 

Older children are learning to manage complex emotions, and they may need space to figure out how they feel. By allowing them to have this space, you show that you understand the process of emotional growth. 

• What to do: You could say, ‘I know this is difficult, and I do not want to rush you. Take your time, and when you are ready, we can sit down and talk about it.’ 

• Why it works: This shows your teen that you respect their emotional journey and that you are willing to support them on their terms. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Capacity for Growth and Healing 

The noble Quran reminds us that Allah Almighty, in His infinite wisdom, allows each of us to face challenges according to our ability to manage them. By giving space to our children during times of conflict, we are allowing them the room to process their emotions. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This patience reflects Allah’s mercy, showing us that respecting emotional boundaries is a way to allow growth and healing. 

The Importance of Good Character 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasize the importance of treating others with kindness, understanding, and patience. When seeking to repair a relationship with your teen, creating a safe space for open communication is key. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3559, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best in character.’ 

By offering space and respecting your teen’s boundaries, you create an environment that fosters emotional safety and growth. This not only helps in repairing the relationship but also supports their emotional autonomy in a way that builds mutual respect, trust, and understanding.