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What role does affection play in building intelligence?

Parenting Perspective

Affection is not just a tender gesture; it is a biological and psychological catalyst for brain development. The human brain, especially in the early years, thrives on connection. When a caregiver offers warm hugs, soft words, and consistent eye contact, it sends powerful signals to the child’s nervous system. These moments release oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘bonding hormone,’ which increases feelings of trust and emotional security. At the same time, oxytocin helps reduce cortisol, the hormone associated with stress, allowing the brain to focus and grow without being in a constant state of alert.
This safe, affectionate environment is what allows the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving, memory, and focus, to flourish. When children feel secure, they are more willing to explore, take healthy risks, and persist through challenges. These are all critical behaviours that support intellectual growth and lifelong learning. Affection does not make children soft or complacent. Quite the opposite, it strengthens resilience, boosts confidence, and fuels curiosity.
Research has consistently shown that children raised with high levels of affection demonstrate stronger social-emotional skills, better attention spans, and greater academic readiness. They are more likely to develop empathy, cooperate with others, and handle frustrations constructively. All of this begins in the warmth of a parent’s arms. A smile of reassurance, a gentle back rub during reading, or a calm voice during a meltdown, these are the quiet acts that shape a child’s emotional and intellectual foundation.
Affection also teaches children how to love themselves. It provides a model for healthy human interaction, embedding in them a sense of worth that will support their learning for years to come. Far from spoiling a child, affection tells them that they are safe, valued, and capable. And a child who feels loved is a child whose mind is open to learning.

Spiritual Insight

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Maryam (19), Verse 96: ‘Indeed, those people who have believed, and have undertaken virtuous actions; the One Who is Most Beneficent shall designate for them, His absolute affection.’ This divine assurance of love is not merely theological; it is deeply humanising. It teaches that affection is not earned through perfection but gifted through virtue. If Allah Almighty designates love to His creation, then offering affection to children is an act of worship and alignment with divine mercy.
It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1922, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ regularly kissed his grandchildren and said, ‘Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’ His example dispels the notion that affection weakens. Instead, it frames love as strength. In his interactions with children, the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ modelled compassion, attentiveness, and emotional generosity as foundations for moral and spiritual development.

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