What Plan Helps a Child Who Seeks the Adrenaline Rush from Hurting? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child seems to enjoy the chaos or excitement that follows hurting others, by pushing, provoking, or hitting “for fun”, it can be alarming. However, beneath that behaviour often lies a craving for intensity, not an inherent cruelty. The child’s nervous system is searching for a high level of stimulation or a sense of control, and causing a reaction in others can provide a fast, powerful jolt of adrenaline. The challenge is to redirect that energy toward healthy forms of intensity, such as an action that excites but does not harm, while simultaneously building their empathy and self-regulation skills. 

Identify the Triggers Behind the Rush 

Observe when and why the behaviour appears. Does it tend to happen after periods of boredom, overstimulation, embarrassment, or social rejection? Take note of what precedes the incident, such as tiredness, hunger, unstructured time, or a noisy environment, to help you spot patterns. Recognising the context will help you to intervene earlier, before their adrenaline has a chance to spike. 

Name the Pattern Without Shaming 

You can say calmly and factually: 

‘It looks like your body really likes big feelings, especially fast and strong ones. But hurting others is not a safe way to get that energy.’ 

This language acknowledges their need for excitement without any moral condemnation. It reframes the behaviour as something you can work on together, not against each other. 

Replace Harm With High-Energy Outlets 

Children who are seeking an adrenaline rush need intense but safe replacement activities. Offer them choices that match their high energy level. 

• Power activities. These could include climbing, running, jumping, cycling, martial arts, or team sports. 

• Tension release. Try wall push-ups, heavy lifting (like carrying in the groceries), or vigorous sweeping. 

• Timed challenges. You could say, ‘Let’s see how many steps you can take in the next 30 seconds.’ 

It is a good idea to schedule these outlets into their day, rather than only using them reactively. Consistency helps to stabilise the nervous system and reduces their drive to seek chaos. 

Teach the ‘Body Signal Check-In’ 

Before they begin to play, you can ask, ‘Is your engine feeling calm, fast, or too fast?’ If they answer ‘too fast,’ you can practise a reset together, such as slow breathing, pressing their palms together, or taking a 30-second pause for stillness. Over time, this builds their interoceptive awareness, which is the ability to read their own body’s cues before they cause any harm. 

Redirect Through Leadership Roles 

Children who crave intensity often respond well to being given a sense of controlled power. You can give them jobs that allow them to use their strength with a clear purpose, such as helping to set up chairs, leading the family in stretches, or being the “referee” in a sibling game. Frame it as a matter of trust: ‘You have very strong energy. Let us use it to help people, not to hurt them.’ This kind of channelled leadership helps to convert chaos into responsibility. 

Guide Reflection After Each Incident 

Once the child is calm, you can ask, ‘What did your body feel like just before you hurt your brother? What can we do next time to cool it down sooner?’ You could write or draw their ideas together. This process trains their insight instead of triggering their guilt. 

Build Empathy Through Repair 

It is important to insist on a meaningful repair every time harm occurs. This should go beyond a simple ‘sorry’ and involve an action, such as helping the other child, writing them a kindness note, or giving up their turn in a game. The consequence should be something that drains their adrenaline and builds their conscience at the same time. 

Model Your Own Regulation 

When you feel angry or overstimulated yourself, you can narrate your own process of calming down aloud: ‘My body is feeling very hot right now, so I am going to take a few deep breaths before I speak.’ Seeing you regulate your own emotions turns abstract advice into a living example for them to follow. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the management of one’s impulses is considered a sign of maturity and moral strength. The desire for dominance or a thrill is not evil in itself; it becomes noble when it is redirected toward courage, perseverance, and service. Guiding a child to transform their raw energy into restraint and compassion is one of the most sacred tasks of parenting. 

Power That Serves, Not Destroys 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Qasas (28), Verses 77: 

‘And seek (to discover) from what Allah (Almighty) has bestowed upon you for the abode in the Hereafter; and do not forget your (true) functionality in this world; and show favour (onto others) as Allah (Almighty) has shown favour upon you; and do not seek to spread (immoral) anarchy on the Earth; as indeed, Allah (Almighty) does not like those who spread (immoral) anarchy.’ 

This reminds us that our strength and our resources are meant to be used for goodness, not for harm. Teaching a child to use their physical and emotional power for positive deeds, such as helping, protecting, and creating, helps to align their energy with a divine purpose. 

Real Strength Lies in Self-Control, Not Power 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 1317, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who throws others down, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angry.’ 

This hadith teaches us that power without restraint is actually a form of weakness. True courage and greatness appear when a person is able to master their own impulses instead of overpowering others. 

You can end each day with a shared reflection: ‘O Allah, please guide our strength toward kindness and protect us from using it in ways that cause harm.’ Over time, your child will discover that excitement can come from courage, movement, and helping, not from hurting. They will learn that the true thrill lies in mastering oneself for the sake of Allah Almighty.