Parenting Perspective 

When emotions are running high, it is easy for a disagreement to escalate, especially when children are present. A simple, pre-agreed phrase can act as a respectful signal between you and your spouse to pause the argument and come back to it later. The key is to choose words that feel neutral and safe for both partners, so that using the phrase does not trigger any further defensiveness. 

Examples of Neutral Pause Phrases 

You and your spouse can agree on a phrase that feels natural to you both. Some examples include: 

• ‘Let us pause this for now.’ 

• ‘We can come back to this later, insha’Allah.’ 

• ‘This is an important conversation, but now is not the right time.’ 

• ‘I think we both need a time-out. Let us take a breath.’ 

Once you have chosen your phrase, you must both commit to respecting it whenever it is used. This ensures that the pause is honoured and not treated as a way of avoiding the issue. Later, in private, you can return to the conversation in a calmer state of mind. 

Why This Matters for Your Children 

When children see their parents calmly pausing an argument instead of letting it escalate, it reassures them that disagreements can be handled respectfully. They learn that family unity is not about never disagreeing, but about knowing when to step back and manage one’s emotions. This helps to build their confidence that their home will remain a safe and stable space, even when conflicts arise. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great value on self-restraint and calmness, especially in moments of tension. Using a respectful phrase to pause an argument is a form of spiritual discipline that honours both your spouse and the emotional security of your children. 

A Quranic Reminder on Restraining Anger 

The Quran praises those who are able to restrain their anger and offer forgiveness, identifying this as a quality that is beloved by Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘ Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.‘ 

This reminds us that restraining anger is a righteous quality that brings goodness into family life. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Suppressing Anger 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that controlling one’s anger for the sake of peace is an act that carries an immense reward from Allah. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2493, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever suppresses his anger while being able to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of creation on the Day of Judgement and let him choose whichever of the Hur al-Ayn he wishes.’ 

This teaches us that suppressing anger for the sake of peace is a highly virtuous act. 

By agreeing on a pause phrase, you and your spouse can safeguard your relationship and protect your children from emotional harm. It shows them that real strength is found in patience, and that love is preserved when anger is restrained with wisdom.