What phrase can help a child set a boundary around private information? 

Parenting Perspective 

In a world that often encourages constant sharing, from classroom chats to social media posts, children need to know that not everything belongs in the public domain. Some things are personal, such as our feelings, family matters, passwords, and private thoughts. Teaching your child how to protect their private information is about more than just their safety; it is about developing self-respect, discernment, and dignity. The goal is to help them to draw their boundaries with kindness, not with secrecy or fear, but with wisdom and confidence. 

Beginning by Defining “Private” Clearly 

You can start by saying, ‘Private information is anything about you or our family that you would not want everyone to know. Keeping it private is not the same as hiding something; it is about protecting what is special or sensitive to you.’ This helps to reframe the concept of privacy as an act of responsibility, not of shame. 

Teaching the Difference Between a Secret and What Is Private 

It can be helpful to explain, ‘A secret is something that someone might tell you to hide forever, even if it feels wrong. Private things, on the other hand, are yours, and you get to decide who can know about them.’ This distinction helps your child to understand that privacy empowers them, whereas harmful secrets can control them. 

Giving Them Respectful and Firm Phrases 

Equip your child with calm and natural-sounding lines that they can use in everyday situations. 

• ‘That is something I would like to keep private.’ 

• ‘I would rather not talk about that, if that is okay.’ 

• A particularly effective phrase is: ‘That is something I keep private.’ 

These phrases are polite yet protective, allowing them to express a boundary without any hostility. 

Practising a Neutral Tone 

The tone of voice matters just as much as the words themselves. A composed and steady tone signals maturity and can help to discourage any further probing. Role-playing different scenarios can help your child to practise speaking in a way that is respectful and confident, not defensive. 

Explaining That Privacy Builds Trust 

You can tell your child, ‘People will often respect you more when you know what to keep private. It shows them that you can be trusted with your own words and with theirs.’ This helps to frame the act of setting a boundary as a strength, not an avoidance tactic. 

Modelling Privacy in Your Own Actions 

Let your child see you drawing gentle boundaries in your own conversations. For example, ‘That is a personal matter, so I will be keeping that private.’ By watching you, they will learn that adults also practise restraint without feeling uncomfortable. 

Praising Their Protective Maturity 

When your child handles a situation with composure, protecting their private information while still being kind, be sure to praise their effort. You could say, ‘You handled that with so much maturity. You protected what is private to you and still stayed so kind.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that privacy, modesty, and discretion are all forms of wisdom. Guarding our personal matters is a part of our amanah (trustworthiness) and haya (modesty). It is an act that protects our dignity and prevents potential harm. Teaching your child to maintain a healthy sense of privacy helps them to live by the prophetic balance of being open-hearted, yet mindful of their boundaries. 

The Quranic Value of Modesty and Privacy 

The Quranic concept of modesty extends beyond just our physical appearance; it also includes a deeper lesson in self-restraint in all of our affairs. Guarding our words and our privacy is an act of inner modesty and a protection of our self-respect and honour. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verses 30: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) to the believing men to lower their gaze (upon forbidden things); and protect their private parts (with chastity); these actions shall help them (attain) piety…‘ 

This verse encourages a state of mindfulness that encompasses both our actions and our words. 

The Prophetic Example of Discretion and Trust 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ capture the very essence of a healthy sense of privacy. We are encouraged to focus on what is of true benefit and to turn away from that which does not concern us. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3976, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Part of a person’s being a good Muslim is his leaving alone that which does not concern him.‘ 

When your child calmly says, “That is something I keep private,” they are putting this prophetic wisdom into practice. 

When your child learns to say, “That is something I keep private,” they are discovering that strength can be quiet and that boundaries can be kind. They are realising that not every question deserves an answer, and that protecting their private matters is a way of honouring their own dignity. 

Each calm refusal helps to build a confidence that is rooted in self-respect. Over time, your child will come to understand that privacy is not about creating distance, but about valuing what is sacred and keeping it safe. 

In every gentle boundary they set, your child comes to reflect the character of a true believer: one who honours their own trusts, respects the trusts of others, and lives with the beautiful modesty that is so pleasing to Allah Almighty.