What kind of discipline strategies work for tantrums without shaming the child?
Parenting Perspective
Discipline that maintains a child’s dignity and emotional safety is crucial for managing behaviour in the short term and fostering character development in the long term. Criticising a child for their outbursts might temporarily stop the behaviour, but it can cause lasting emotional harm and teaches them to conceal their feelings instead of learning how to handle them. A more effective and respectful method includes establishing clear and calm boundaries while consistently maintaining expectations. When a child has a tantrum, responding in a firm yet neutral manner helps them understand that while their feelings are valid, the behaviour is not acceptable. For instance, by calmly stating, ‘It is okay to feel upset, but throwing things is not allowed,’ you provide the child with both acknowledgement of their feelings and a clear limit.
Logical consequences can be beneficial when they are fair and communicated with understanding. If a child does not clean up their toys, those toys may be taken away for a specific duration. Employing constructive discipline techniques, such as collaborating on solutions once the child is calm, enhances their emotional comprehension. This method assists children in managing their emotions and making decisions while ensuring they do not feel rejected or undervalued. This approach assists parents in maintaining a calm response to misbehaviour instead of reacting emotionally. As a result, it fosters a home environment that is safer and more trusting emotionally.
Spiritual Insight
In Islam, discipline is based on the principles of mercy, justice, and patience. Discipline involves guiding a child’s character in a manner that mirrors the example set by the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, rather than exerting control over them. Shaming goes against the Islamic principle of maintaining a person’s dignity, which also applies to children. The Almighty addresses believers with kindness and clarity in the noble Quran, setting an example of the tone we should strive to adopt. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 125: ‘Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner….’ Although this verse addresses Dawah, the principle of wise, respectful communication applies strongly to parenting. Furthermore, Allah Almighty describes holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 128: ‘Without any doubt, there has come to you (O mankind), the Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ) from amongst yourself; (the thought) of your suffering weighs heavily upon him, he is extremely desirous (for the best) for you; and remains most compassionate and most merciful for the believers.’ This mercy and concern are foundational for every parent. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘He is not one of us who does not have mercy upon our young, respect our elders, and command good and forbid evil…’ This Hadith emphasises that emotional discipline should be rooted in compassion rather than harshness. By maintaining respectful boundaries without shaming, parents follow the Prophetic model, raising children who feel supported rather than embarrassed. They acquire self-control and learn to treat others with the same respect they have been given.
