What is the best way to talk to my child after they have misbehaved and I need to set a boundary? 

Parenting Perspective 

Connect Before You Correct 

The moment after misbehaviour is delicate; it can either build a connection or deepen shame. The most effective method begins after you and your child have had some time to relax. When feelings are still strong, do not go right into the conversation. Establish a connection by sitting near, making soft eye contact, and saying, I want to talk about what happened earlier. I am not here to chastise, but to understand. This creates a trusting environment and maintains your child’s nervous system relaxed and not defensive. Then calmly and clearly express the boundary: We do not talk like that in our home. Feeling upset is acceptable but hurting someone is not. 

Fostering Introspection 

This perspective develops emotional intelligence by emphasising that while feelings are real, behaviour still needs to be considerate. Asking your child, What do you think we could do differently next time? encourages introspection rather than punishment. Instead of following orders out of fear, this enables children to internalise the significance of the barrier. Your objective is to guide, not to control. Additionally, children are more receptive to genuine change when they feel safe. That is where growth takes root. 

Spiritual Insight 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was a master of self-repair who preserved dignity. He did not embarrass or shame others for making mistakes, especially children. His guidance came from presence, not power. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“He who is not merciful to our young ones… is not one of us.” 

This Hadith makes a clear distinction: we deviate from the prophetic road if we correct children without showing them mercy. Mercy is the foundation of discipline, not a weakness that undermines it. Allah Almighty also instructs beautifully in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verse 199: 

“(O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral actions), and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance.” 

This verse captures the balance we strive for as parents: to forgive, to guide, and to remain calm in the face of misbehaviour. Allah Almighty teaches us not through harshness, but through repeated, gentle reminders. We must do the same. You are modelling more than just correcting your child when you speak to them after they have erred; you are modelling Islam. You are demonstrating to them that boundaries may be established without destroying the soul and that discipline can feel like love. That is the purest form of Tarbiyyah: kind, unambiguous, and grounded in both kindness and wisdom.