Parenting Perspective 

Children naturally test boundaries; it is how they learn and find security. However, these tests can quickly escalate into frustrating power struggles. The key to avoiding these battles is to communicate limits with calm, clear authority, and to enforce them with consistency, showing your child that the boundary is firm but your love is unwavering. 

Be Clear, Calm, and Concise 

In the moment a boundary needs to be set, long explanations are an invitation to argue. Use short, clear, and neutral statements, such as, ‘It is time to turn off the tablet now,’ or ‘We use kind words in our family.’ Your calm tone is as important as your words. 

Follow Through with Consistency 

A boundary is only as strong as its enforcement. If you state a consequence, you must be prepared to apply it calmly and without anger. This predictable consistency is what teaches a child that your words have meaning and that the limit is not negotiable. 

Refuse to Engage in the Argument 

A power struggle requires two participants. If your child tries to pull you into an argument, do not take the bait. You can calmly repeat the limit once, or simply say, ‘This is not up for discussion.’ Sometimes, the most powerful response is a calm and respectful silence. 

Focus on Security, Not Control 

Remember that the ultimate goal of a boundary is not to control your child, but to provide them with a sense of safety and predictability. When limits are enforced with calm and love, they do not feel like a battle for power, but like a reassuring structure that helps them navigate their world. 

This approach teaches children self-control and respect, strengthening your relationship by avoiding unnecessary conflict. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true strength lies in self-restraint, especially in moments of conflict. For a parent, setting a boundary with patience and wisdom, rather than anger, is a direct reflection of this prophetic quality. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’ 

This verse praises the high station of those who are patient when provoked. For a parent, choosing patience over a power struggle is an act of ‘determination’ and a path to a divine reward. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 1317, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This powerful hadith defines strength not as the ability to win an argument, but as the ability to control one’s own anger. A parent who sets a limit calmly is demonstrating this true, prophetic strength to their child. 

By setting limits with calm firmness, you show your child that strength is not about winning a power struggle but about maintaining dignity and fairness. In time, they will learn that boundaries are acts of love and guidance, rooted in patience and respect.