What is the best way to help a child who becomes physically aggressive when the device is taken away? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child’s frustration over losing a device spills into physical aggression, it is a sign that their emotions have overwhelmed their self-control. The parent’s role is to act as a calm, steady anchor who can safely de-escalate the situation and then teach better coping skills. 

Prioritise Safety and Calmly Hold the Boundary 

Your first priority is safety. If the child begins to hit or throw things, calmly move yourself and any other children out of harm’s way. State the boundary in a firm but gentle voice: ‘I will not let you hurt me. We can talk once your body is calm’. It is crucial that you do not return the device to stop the aggression, as this teaches the child that violence is an effective tool. 

Teach Safe Outlets for Anger 

Once the emotional storm has passed, and in a separate, calm moment, teach your child acceptable ways to express their big feelings. You can practise together by squeezing a pillow, punching a cushion, or taking big, deep breaths. Giving them a physical strategy for their anger provides them with a toolkit for the next time they feel overwhelmed. 

Use Consistent Consequences and Encourage Repair 

Establish a clear and predictable consequence in advance. For example, ‘If our rule about gentle hands is broken, screen time will be suspended the next day’. After an outburst, it is also important to guide them towards repairing the relationship. Once calm, encourage them to apologise or offer a hug. This teaches them responsibility and how to mend connections after a conflict. 

By responding with calm consistency, you teach your child that while their anger is a valid feeling, aggression is never an acceptable action, and that self-control is a skill they can learn. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam provides a powerful framework for understanding anger, teaching that true strength lies not in expressing it, but in controlling it for the sake of Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘…They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse describes one of the key qualities of the people of Paradise. It is a beautiful goal to share with a child, teaching them that learning to control their anger is not just a rule, but a characteristic of those who are most beloved by Allah. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ spoke of the immense honour given to those who master their temper. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, 47, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the ability to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of creation on the Day of Resurrection and let him choose of the Hur he wishes.‘ 

This is an incredible motivation for a child struggling with a hot temper. It reframes the difficult struggle of controlling their anger into an act that earns them immense, public honour from Allah on the Day of Judgement. It teaches them that their self-restraint is a mark of true strength and a source of unimaginable reward.