What is the best way to calm sibling jealousy when one child gets a phone earlier than the other? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is perfectly natural for sibling jealousy to arise when one child gets a mobile phone before the other. The younger child can easily feel overlooked or unfairly treated, regardless of the parents’ sound reasons for the decision. If these feelings are not addressed, they can lead to bitterness between the siblings and create tension in the home. The aim is to handle the situation by affirming your commitment to fairness, clearly explaining your reasoning, and reassuring each child of their individual value. 

Explain the Reason Calmly 

Clearly communicate that the decision is not based on favoritism, but on practical factors like age and maturity. You might say: ‘Your older brother now needs a phone to travel safely to school and to stay in touch for his activities. When you reach that stage of independence, you will have one too.’ 

Reassure Equal Care 

Let your younger child know that the rules and their timing are designed to protect, not punish. Emphasise that when their turn arrives, they will be given the same level of trust and the same opportunity. This reassurance is vital for preventing feelings of rejection or being less valued. 

Give Alternative Privileges 

Offset the disappointment by offering the younger child different, age-appropriate privileges that are unique to them. This could be anything from choosing the family’s next outing, receiving an investment in a hobby they love, or simply getting more dedicated one-on-one time with a parent. This shows them that they are special and not simply being ‘left behind.’ 

Encourage Sibling Respect 

Gently guide the older sibling to use their phone responsibly and not to flaunt it in a way that might upset their younger sibling. Encourage them to demonstrate their maturity by including their sibling in other non-digital activities and by being considerate of their feelings. 

By handling this milestone with openness and empathy, parents can transform a moment of potential jealousy into a valuable lesson in patience, fairness, and trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam guides parents to be fair to their children, while also acknowledging that responsibilities and privileges will naturally differ based on a child’s age and needs. It is a parental duty to act justly and to explain their decisions with wisdom and care. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfal (8), Verses 27: 

‘O you who believe, do not betray Allah and the Messenger, or betray your trusts while you know [the consequence] …’ 

This verse reminds us of those certain responsibilities, like owning a phone, are a form of trust (amanah). Such trust is given only when a person is deemed ready to handle it, not before. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2511, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be fair with your children in giving gifts. If I were to prefer anyone, I would prefer the women (daughters).’ 

This teaching highlights that while justice among children is essential, it does not always mean identical treatment. Parents must apply wisdom to give each child what they need at the right time. 

By linking privileges to readiness and overall fairness, parents can guide their children to understand that different treatment is not an injustice, but a reflection of wisdom. This teaches them the valuable lesson that trust and responsibility are earned over time, and that every stage of life comes with its own unique blessings.