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What is the best way to apologise to my child after I have shouted or spoken harshly? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Power of a Sincere Apology 

Even though it can make you feel vulnerable, offering an apology to your child is one of the most effective ways to promote healing and trust. Your power is not diminished by a heartfelt apology. It really makes it stronger. Start by stating unequivocally what transpired: I shouted earlier, and that was wrong. I should not have vented my frustration on you, but I was. Be explicit and precise. Steer clear of expressions like I am sorry if you felt hurt since they place the blame on the child’s response rather than on you. Use body language and a soothing voice. If it feels natural, put a palm on your heart, soften your face, and kneel to their level. You did not deserve that, you can then reassure them. I still need to work on controlling my strong emotions but know that I adore you. This teaches that love endures despite conflict and that mistakes can be accepted without feeling guilty. 

The Importance of Repair 

Reversing the boundary that led to the occurrence is crucial. Restoring safety is the goal of repair, not ignoring discipline. Connect with them again by spending some peaceful time together, cuddling, or telling a story. Over time, these small fixes assist your child in internalising an important lesson: that healthy relationships are built on care and responsibility rather than perfection. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam values humility, particularly when ego may otherwise easily take over. Even though he was sinless and directed by God, the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ frequently asked for pardon and taught his companions how to accept responsibility with grace and compassion. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4176: 

Whoever humbles himself one degree for the sake of Allah Almighty, Allah Almighty will raise him in status one degree. 

This demonstrates that apologising lowers one’s position rather than diminishes it in the eyes of Allah Almighty. And in the noble Quran, Allah Almighty commands the Prophet ﷺ in Surah Aal-i-Imran (3), Verse 159: 

….So then pardon them, and ask for their forgiveness (from Allah Almighty); and consult them in all matters (of public administration); then when you have decided (on any matter), then put your reliance upon Allah (Almighty)…. “

This verse, revealed after the trauma of battle, reminds us that mercy and forgiveness are not signs of weakness, but of leadership and trust in Allah Almighty. Not only are you repairing a mistake when you apologise to your child, but you are also demonstrating the humility that is at the heart of Islamic character. You are demonstrating that repair is a component of emotional strength. You are demonstrating to your child that faith, love, and responsibility are interdependent. 

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