What is our plan for private correction and public support as a family? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children feel most secure when they know their family operates as a supportive team. This means they can count on public support when others are present, while also trusting that any correction will be handled privately and respectfully. Without this crucial balance, children can feel exposed, shamed, or uncertain of their place within the family. Establishing a clear family plan helps them understand that home is a safe base where mistakes are addressed, but dignity is always preserved. 

Prioritise Public Support 

Establish the core principle with your children: ‘In front of others, we always stand together.’ When a child makes a mistake in public, such as snapping at a peer or forgetting their manners, avoid correcting them harshly in front of others. Instead, use brief, supportive cues. 

• A gentle hand on their shoulder. 

• A whispered reminder: ‘Take a deep breath.’ 

• A redirecting phrase: ‘We can talk about this later. For now, let us focus on the game.’ 

This approach shields them from public embarrassment and reinforces that the family is a source of support, not betrayal. 

Address Corrections in Private 

When you are back at home and things are calm, gently bring up the moment. Keep the conversation short and specific: ‘Earlier, when you spoke sharply to your cousin, that was not in line with our family value of using kind words.’ Ask what they were feeling in that moment, then offer a chance to rehearse a better response for next time. End with reassurance: ‘We are talking about this in private because I respect you. I know you will do better next time.’ 

In Public: 

Child: (At a party, rolls their eyes at an adult’s question) 

Parent: (Smiles and says lightly to the adult) ‘She has had a very long day.’ 

Later at Home: 

Parent: ‘When you rolled your eyes earlier, it may have come across as dismissive. Next time, you could say, “I am feeling a bit tired, can we talk later?”’ 

Child: ‘Okay, I will try that.’ 

Parent: ‘I know you can. We correct in private because we protect each other in public.’ 

Establish Clear Family Promises 

Sit together as a family and state the plan clearly so everyone understands the expectations. 

• ‘We support each other in public.’ 

• ‘We correct each other in private.’ 

• ‘We do not embarrass each other.’ 

You can even write these down and post them on the fridge as a reminder of your family’s promises to one another. 

Model Humility and Accountability 

If you make a mistake and correct your child too sharply in front of others, it is important to repair it later: ‘I am sorry I corrected you in public earlier. That was not fair to you, and I will make sure to speak with you in private next time.’ This models humility and shows your child that parents are also committed to the family code. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on protecting a person’s dignity while guiding them towards better behaviour. The concept of offering public support while reserving correction for private moments is a direct reflection of prophetic manners (adab). 

The Quranic Warning Against Exposing Faults 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 19: 

‘Indeed, those people that like to propagate (false accusations of) immorality against those people who are believers; for them is a dreadful punishment in the worldly life and in the Hereafter; and Allah (Almighty) is fully aware, and you do not know it.’ 

This verse serves as a powerful reminder that exposing the faults of others is a harmful act. Within a family context, this principle guides us to protect each other’s dignity by avoiding public criticism and shaming. 

The Prophetic Example of Protecting Honour 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1930, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever relieves a Muslim of a burden from the burdens of the world, Allah will relieve him of a burden from the burdens on the Day of Judgement. Whoever eases the difficulty of another, Allah will ease his difficulty in this world and the Hereafter. Whoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in this world and the Hereafter. Allah helps His servant as long as he helps his brother.’ 

This hadith directly relates to the principles of private correction and public support. Protecting a child’s dignity in front of others is a form of concealing their faults, while guiding them gently in private is a way of easing their difficulty. It shows that helping others maintain their honour is not just good manners; it is a means of earning Allah Almighty’s protection and help.