What is a simple opener for sitting next to someone new at lunch? 

Parenting Perspective 

For many children, lunchtime can feel like one of the loneliest moments of the day. The noise, the established groups of friends, and the uncertainty of where to sit can be a lot for a young mind to navigate. When your child wants to sit next to someone new, even a simple ‘hello’ can feel like a monumental task. Helping them to find a friendly, low-pressure way to start a conversation is one of the most empowering social skills that you can teach them. 

Start by Calming Their Inner Dialogue 

When a child feels nervous about joining someone new, it is not just about finding the right words; it is also about their own internal self-talk. They may be thinking, ‘What if they say no?’, or ‘What if I sound silly?’ Before you begin to teach them specific opening lines, it is important to first address these fears. You could say, ‘It is okay to feel unsure about asking. Everyone worries about that sometimes. We can practise what to say together so that it feels a little easier next time.’ By naming their worry, you can help to reduce its power. The goal is not to eliminate their nerves completely, but to help them to carry them with a sense of confidence. 

Practise Using Friendly and Natural Openers 

Children need simple scripts that sound genuine, not rehearsed or forced. Here are some approachable opening lines that your child could use. 

• ‘Hi, is it okay if I sit here with you?’ 

• ‘That looks really good. What have you got for your lunch today?’ 

• ‘I saw you playing football earlier. Do you play a lot?’ 

You can encourage them to smile lightly and to speak with a calm and gentle energy. It can be very helpful to practise these scenarios at home with some brief role-play, taking turns at being the ‘new lunch friend.’ This helps them to associate this new skill with a sense of warmth, not of tension. 

Rehearse How to Handle Different Responses 

Sometimes, the other child may be quiet, shy, or distracted. It is important to reassure your child that this does not mean that they have done anything wrong. You could say, ‘If they are not very talkative today, you can just smile, eat your lunch, and maybe try to talk to someone else tomorrow.’ This teaches them resilience and a set of realistic expectations. Social success is built on repetition and a willingness to try again, not on achieving a perfect result every time. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that the quality of kindness begins with connection. A small gesture, such as a greeting, a smile, or a few gentle words, can help to build bridges between people’s hearts. Helping your child to find the courage to sit next to someone new is not just about teaching them a social skill; it is about helping them to live the prophetic character of warmth and inclusion. 

The Spiritual Power of a Simple Greeting 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 86: 

‘And when you are greeted with a welcome, then greet them with (a welcome that is) even better than that, or (at least) return it (in the same manner); indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Final Reckoner over everything.‘ 

This verse highlights the deep spiritual value of our greetings. They are not trivial courtesies, but acts of faith that can help to strengthen a community. When your child asks, ‘Hi, can I sit here?’, they are doing more than just starting a conversation; they are opening a door to a potential friendship, to a sense of mutual respect, and to a shared kindness. 

The Prophetic Model of Warm Connection 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3692, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of something which, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread the greeting of peace among you.’ 

This hadith shows us that our simple, daily greetings can carry a profound spiritual weight. The act of sitting next to someone new and saying a kind word is a modern reflection of the ancient practice of spreading peace. You can tell your child, ‘When you smile and say hello to someone, you are not just being polite; you are doing something that is beloved to Allah.’ This can help to transform a small act of bravery into an act of worship.