Parenting Perspective 

As children mature, their need for independence and personal space naturally grows. While they still need and desire affection, they may not always be receptive to hugs, kisses, or other physical touch with the same frequency or intensity as when they were younger. Parents can honour this evolving need by using short, gentle questions that confirm consent without creating an awkward atmosphere. A simple question, such as ‘Hug?’, ‘May I sit here?’, or ‘High-five?’, effectively communicates care while respecting the child’s autonomy. 

Keep It Light and Natural 

This check-in should not feel like a formal procedure, but rather a natural and seamless part of your daily connection. For example, smiling and opening your arms while asking, “Hug?” allows the child to choose whether to step forward, making the gesture a shared act rather than an imposed one. If they decline, it is important to respond with warmth and understanding, perhaps by offering an alternative like a smile or a playful fist bump. 

Model Respect and Bodily Autonomy 

When children experience their parents asking for permission before initiating physical touch, they internalise the vital lesson that their body and personal space are worthy of respect. This practice not only builds trust within the parent-child relationship but also teaches them how to establish and honour boundaries in their future relationships with others. Over time, they are more likely to seek affection voluntarily, knowing it will always be offered in a safe and mutual way. 

By adopting these brief confirmations, parents can protect the warmth of physical affection while empowering their older children to grow with a strong sense of dignity and self-respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places profound emphasis on the values of kindness, mercy, and mutual respect within family life. Honouring an older child’s need for personal space, while continuing to offer love and warmth, perfectly reflects the beautiful balance between affection and dignity that Islam encourages. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you…’ 

This verse is a powerful reminder that gentleness is far more effective at winning hearts than force, and that affection offered with sensitivity and respect is the most enduring. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 893, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissed his grandson Hasan ibn Ali, and a man said to him, “I have ten children and have never kissed any of them.” The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ replied: 

‘Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’ 

This powerful encounter teaches us that physical affection is an essential component of mercy, but it must always be expressed with wisdom, understanding, and sensitivity to the other person. 

By using these short, respectful confirmations, parents are aligning their actions with the Prophetic model of gentleness. They show their children that love is not something to be forced but is instead a gift to be freely and respectfully shared, nurturing both emotional safety and spiritual growth within the home.