What is a plan when my child keeps copying others’ misbehaviour to fit in? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be deeply unsettling to watch your child imitate poor behaviour just to gain acceptance from their peers. You may think, ‘They know better, so why do they still follow along?’ This pattern often stems from a strong desire for belonging, rather than from simple disobedience. Children crave social inclusion, and when they fear rejection, they may be tempted to trade their values for approval. Your role as a parent is to help them to build their inner confidence and moral courage, the ability to stand firm even when others waver. 

Understand the Fear Beneath the Behaviour 

Copying misbehaviour is rarely about wanting to be ‘bad’; it is about avoiding exclusion. Children often think, ‘If I act like them, I will belong.’ Begin your conversation with empathy, not with a lecture. 

‘It sounds like you want to fit in with your friends. That makes complete sense, as everyone likes to feel that they belong. But following the wrong choices never earns real respect.’ 

When you acknowledge the emotion before correcting the action, you invite reflection rather than defensiveness. 

Teach the Power of Personal Choice 

Help your child to realise that every decision they make defines the person they are becoming. You can explain this to them by saying: 

‘Each time you copy someone, you are letting them decide the kind of person you will be. But when you make your own choices, you build your own strength.’ 

Discuss real life examples of people who stood apart with dignity, whether they are students, athletes, or even family members. Link courage with a strong sense of identity, showing that belonging when it is rooted in integrity lasts far longer than popularity that is built on imitation. 

Practise Responses for Peer Pressure 

Children often copy others because they do not know how to say no. Role play common scenarios and help your child to practise simple, confident responses. 

• ‘No thanks, that is not my thing.’ 

• ‘I would rather not, I do not want to get into trouble.’ 

• A polite change of subject or simply walking away. 

Rehearsing these lines gives them the tools to resist without confrontation. Confidence grows from preparation. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, moral independence, doing what is right even when others do not, is a defining trait of a believer. The strength to resist negative influence is not merely self discipline; it is a form of taqwa, or a conscious awareness of Allah Almighty. 

Standing Firm in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 2: 

‘…And participate with each other to promote righteousness and piety, and do not collaborate in the committal of any sin or moral transgression…’ 

This verse reminds us that a sense of belonging should be built upon goodness, not upon wrongdoing. Teaching your child this principle gives them a clear moral compass, to seek friendships that elevate rather than corrupt, and to value loyalty to the truth over loyalty to the crowd. 

True Strength in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2007, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not be people without minds of your own, saying, “If others do good, we will do good; and if they do wrong, we will do wrong.” Rather, accustom yourselves to do good when others do good, and not to do wrong if they do wrong.’ 

This Hadith captures the very essence of moral independence. It teaches that a true believer’s conscience should not be swayed by the crowd but should be guided by their own conviction. When you share this with your child, you are nurturing the prophetic quality of istiqaamah, or steadfastness in doing what is right, even when others falter. 

When your child copies the misbehaviour of others, they are not lost; they are in the process of learning who they are. Your steady, empathetic guidance can transform imitation into insight. Each time you remind them that a sense of belonging that is built on goodness is stronger than any group’s approval, you strengthen their inner voice. Spiritually, your patience and gentle teaching reflect prophetic parenting, guiding with mercy while rooting your child’s character in faith.