What is a good way to praise effort fairly when results are different for each child? 

Parenting Perspective 

Focus Praise on Effort and Progress 

Children, especially siblings, naturally compare their results. To avoid jealousy, it is important for parents to shift their praise away from the outcome and towards the effort. Instead of focusing on who received the highest mark, highlight perseverance: ‘I am so proud of how hard you studied for that test.’ This ensures that each child feels their personal commitment has been recognised. 

Personalise Your Recognition 

Try to tailor your recognition to each child’s unique journey. For one child, completing their homework independently might be a huge achievement. For another, it might be showing patience during a difficult task. Make your praise specific: ‘I noticed you did not give up on that problem, even when it was difficult.’ When children feel that their individual effort is seen and valued, they are less likely to feel that they are being treated unfairly. 

Encourage Trying Over Winning 

By consistently praising effort and character rather than just success, you create an environment where children are motivated to keep trying and supporting one another. This teaches them that growth is more important than comparison. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Sees Every Effort 

Islam teaches that Allah values our intentions and efforts as much, if not more than, our final results. The Quran reminds us that He sees all of our deeds, and nothing we do with a sincere heart is ever wasted, regardless of the worldly outcome. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 105: 

‘ And say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “Act (as you choose), as Allah (Almighty), and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and the believers are observing your deeds…”.’ 

Actions are Judged by Intentions 

This foundational hadith teaches us that the true value of any action lies in the sincerity of the intention behind it. This is a powerful principle to teach children, as it reassures them that what matters most is that they tried their best for the right reasons. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Actions are but by intention, and every man shall have only that which he intended.’ 

Every Sincere Step Matters 

When you connect your praise to the Islamic principle that sincere effort and intention are what truly matter, your children learn a profound lesson. They begin to understand that every step taken with sincerity is valued by Allah. This encourages them to keep trying their best and to support one another, rather than engaging in unhealthy competition.