What is a good way to normalise ‘I feel sad’ without shame? 

Parenting Perspective 

Many children are taught, either directly or indirectly, that sadness is an emotion that should be hidden. They might hear phrases like ‘Be strong’ or ‘Do not cry’, which can lead them to feel ashamed of their feelings and begin to suppress them. However, sadness is a natural and healthy human emotion. Teaching your child that it is safe to say ‘I feel sad’ without fear of embarrassment is fundamental to building their emotional resilience, honesty, and capacity for trust within relationships. 

Show Them That Sadness Is a Normal Emotion 

You can begin by modelling acceptance yourself. When your child expresses sadness, avoid the temptation to dismiss it or immediately try to fix it. Instead, you can validate their feelings by saying: 

• ‘It is okay to feel sad; everyone feels this way sometimes.’ 

• ‘Sadness is a sign that your heart is alive and that you care.’ 

This approach reassures them that their emotions are valid, not a sign of weakness. 

Use the Word ‘Sad’ in Everyday Conversations 

Normalise the language of sadness by integrating it into your own ordinary conversations. When children hear you use the word calmly, they learn that it is just another emotion and not something to be feared. For example: 

• ‘I felt sad when my plans were cancelled today, but I took a walk to feel better.’ 

• ‘It made me a little sad to miss my friend this afternoon.’ 

Create a Safe Space for Sharing Feelings 

Ensure your home is an environment where all emotions can be spoken about freely and without judgement. This builds a child’s confidence in naming their feelings openly. 

• Establish a regular ‘feelings time’ where each family member can share something that made them happy, sad, or thoughtful during their day. 

• Use a feelings chart with different emotional expressions. If a child is struggling for words, they can simply point to the face that matches how they feel. 

Praise Their Emotional Honesty 

Whenever your child chooses to say ‘I feel sad’ instead of hiding their feelings or acting out, acknowledge their courage positively. This reinforces that emotional honesty is a strength. You could say: 

• ‘Thank you for telling me how you are feeling. That was very brave.’ 

• ‘I am proud that you shared your sadness with me. It helps me to understand you better.’ 

Teach That Sadness Does Not Define Them 

It is important to remind children that sadness is a passing state, not a permanent part of their identity. This distinction prevents them from internalising sadness as a personal label. 

• ‘You feel sad right now, but that does not mean you are a sad person.’ 

• ‘Feelings come and go, but you are always loved and valued no matter what.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises sadness as an inevitable part of the human condition. Even the prophets, who were the best of all creation, experienced deep sorrow. Yet, they consistently turned these moments into opportunities to draw nearer to Allah Almighty. By teaching children that sadness is not a weakness but a sign of their humanity, you help them to carry it with dignity and faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 40: 

‘…Do not grieve as Allah (Almighty) is with us…’ 

This profound statement was revealed to the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and Abu Bakr (RA) during a moment of great fear and sadness in the cave of Thawr. It teaches us that even in our deepest sorrows, Allah’s presence is a guaranteed source of comfort. For a child, this means that feeling sad is never shameful, because it is in these very moments that Allah Almighty promises His closeness. 

The compassionate nature of sadness is beautifully illustrated in the life of the Prophet ﷺ. When his infant grandson was dying, he wept.  

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 926, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘This is mercy which Allah has placed in the hearts of His servants.’ 

This hadith teaches that tears and sorrow are not signs of weakness, but reflections of a merciful and compassionate heart. When a child understands this, they can learn that saying ‘I feel sad’ is an expression of a heart full of feeling, not a reason for shame. 

By grounding your child in this perspective, you help them to see sadness as a natural experience and as a time when Allah’s mercy is especially near. They will learn to say ‘I feel sad’ with confidence, knowing their emotions are part of the soul’s journey. In time, they will grow into believers who can carry their feelings with honesty, finding comfort in Allah’s presence and expressing themselves without fear or guilt.