Parenting Perspective 

When a child reaches a point of tears, anger, or total resistance during a task, pushing them harder will almost certainly make the situation worse. A ‘frustration break’ is a short, intentional pause designed to help your child reset their emotions so they can return to the task with a calmer mind. The key is to keep the break structured and predictable, ensuring it feels like a supportive tool rather than a punishment. 

Keeping the Break Short and Clear 

A frustration break should be brief, typically lasting between two and five minutes, so that it serves as a reset, not an escape from the task. 

• Announce the break calmly: ‘It looks like we both need a two-minute calm-down break. Then we will come back and try again together.’ 

• It is helpful to use a timer so that both you and your child know when the pause is officially over. 

Choosing Calming, Not Distracting, Activities 

The activity chosen for the break should be one that helps to calm their nervous system, rather than overstimulating it further. Avoid screens or exciting toys. 

• Take deep breaths together (you can pretend you are slowly blowing out bubbles). 

• Do a few simple stretches, reaching arms up to the sky and then down to the toes. 

• Take a brief walk to the kitchen for a sip of water. 

• Do some quiet drawing or doodling for a few moments. 

Using a Gentle Transition to Return to the Task 

When the timer goes off, it is important to re-engage with them using gentle and encouraging words. 

• ‘That was a great reset. Your body looks much calmer now.’ 

• ‘Okay, our break is over. Let us try just the next small step of this problem together.’ 

Modelling the Routine Yourself 

Show your child that taking a break to manage frustration is a healthy strategy for everyone. This powerful act of modelling normalises the idea of pausing to regulate one’s emotions, rather than reacting explosively. 

• You can say, ‘I am starting to feel a bit tense. I am just going to take three deep breaths before we start this again.’ 

• Child: (Throws their pencil down) ‘I cannot do this!’ Parent: ‘I can see you are feeling frustrated. Let us take a two-minute frustration break. We can do some stretches, and then we will try again together.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

The act of pausing to regain calmness is a direct reflection of the Islamic value of controlling one’s anger before it can lead to harmful words or actions. 

Restraining Anger Brings Reward 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 134: 

‘ Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.‘ 

This verse reminds us that the act of restraining our anger when frustration rises is a mark of faith and a sign of true strength, not weakness. 

The Prophet ﷺ on Anger Management 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down until his anger goes away. If it does not go away, then let him lie down.’ 

This hadith teaches a practical, physical sunnah for managing anger: changing our posture to help reset our emotional state. 

By creating a ‘frustration break’ routine in your home, you are giving your child a valuable tool for life. You are teaching them how to pause, calm their own body and mind, and return to a challenge with renewed patience. This strengthens not only their ability to learn but also their character, aligning their daily habits with the Islamic values of patience (sabr) and mercy.