What is a gentle way to address jealousy when one sibling gets something the other does not? 

Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledge Feelings Without Dismissal 

Jealousy is a natural reaction when a child sees their sibling receive something they did not. The key is to address it gently, without shaming them. The first step is to simply acknowledge and validate their feelings: ‘I can see that you feel upset right now, and that is understandable.’ This helps the child feel heard. It is important to avoid saying things like, ‘You should be happy for your brother,’ which can add guilt to their jealousy. 

Teach Fairness Over Sameness 

Parents can explain that fairness does not always mean sameness. For example, one child might need new shoes this month because their old ones are worn out. Clarify that each child’s needs will be met, just at different times. Preparing them in advance, by saying, ‘Today we are buying new shoes for your sister, and when you need them, we will get them for you,’ helps to build trust and reassure them they will not be forgotten. 

Reinforce Positive Reactions 

When a child manages to show kindness despite their feelings, that effort should be warmly praised. By encouraging small acts of empathy—’It was so lovely that you congratulated your sister, it made her so happy’—you reinforce the positive behaviour. Over time, a child can learn that celebrating with others brings more connection and joy than resentment does. 

Spiritual Insight 

Do Not Wish for What Others Have 

Islam teaches us to be content with what Allah has decreed for us and to avoid wishing for the specific blessings given to others. This is an important lesson in trusting the wisdom of Allah’s divine plan. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 32: 

‘ And do not begrudge what benefactions have been given by Allah (Almighty), some of you instead of other…’ 

Jealousy Destroys Good Deeds 

The prophetic tradition gives a powerful warning about the destructive nature of jealousy (hasad). It is described as a fire that consumes one’s good deeds, highlighting the spiritual danger of allowing it to grow in the heart. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, 5263, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Beware of jealousy, for verily it destroys good deeds the way fire destroys wood.’ 

An Opportunity for Gratitude and Patience 

By guiding your child to view jealousy as an opportunity to practise patience and gratitude, you help them to build spiritual resilience. They learn that what truly matters are the unique blessings Allah has given them, and that celebrating their sibling’s joy is an act that brings its own peace and reward.