What is a fair way to set goals, so rewards feel earned, not random? 

Parenting Perspective 

Parents often face the challenge of wanting to encourage their children with rewards while avoiding the possibility of those rewards feeling like bribes. A fair approach involves ensuring that goals are clear, realistic, and connected to specific behaviours, rather than being given without a clear reason. For instance, instead of offering a treat simply because your child tidied their room once, it is better to establish a clear standard, such as: “If your room stays tidy for the entire week, you will earn extra story time on Friday.” This method ensures the child understands exactly what is expected and can directly link their effort with the outcome. 

Establish Clear and Realistic Expectations 

It is crucial to scale goals according to the child’s age and ability. If a goal is too simple, the reward may feel meaningless; if it is too difficult, the child may feel discouraged and view it as unattainable. The objective is to create a sense of accomplishment that is both challenging and achievable, fostering a positive association with effort and discipline. 

Visualise Progress 

Using visual aids, such as charts or checklists, can be a highly effective way to make tangible and motivating progress. When a child can see their achievements accumulate over time, it reinforces their commitment and helps them stay focused on the goal. This visual tracking transforms an abstract target into a concrete journey, making the process more engaging. 

Transition Towards Intrinsic Motivation 

Over time, it is beneficial to gently reduce the reliance on material rewards. Instead, focus more on recognition, praise, and natural privileges as the child matures. This strategy helps them transition from external motivation to developing their own sense of internal satisfaction. The aim is for rewards to be seen less as random prizes and more as a natural and deserved acknowledgement of genuine effort. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that effort, intention, and fairness are fundamental principles in how we approach both worship and worldly actions. Rewards are intended to follow sincere striving and should not be given without purpose. 

The Principle of Striving 

This concept is beautifully illustrated in the Quran, where the connection between effort and outcome is made explicit. It reminds us that recognition is a powerful tool for teaching responsibility. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verses 39-40: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken; and indeed, whatever he has undertaken, you shall very soon observe it.’ 

This divine principle reminds us of those children, much like adults, who learn the value of their actions when their efforts are acknowledged, rather than when rewards appear without clear cause. It teaches them accountability and the inherent worth of striving for something meaningful. 

The Virtue of Consistency 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ further emphasise the importance of sustained effort over grand but infrequent gestures. This wisdom can be directly applied to setting goals for our children. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4237, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved deeds to Allah are those done consistently, even if small.’ 

This hadith highlights the spiritual importance of steady, sincere effort. By reflecting this principle in our parenting, we can design goals that encourage consistency and fairness. When children see that rewards are earned through steady action and clear effort, they not only develop a sense of responsibility but also internalise a profound life lesson that mirrors the justice and mercy of Allah Almighty.